Hope is so sweet, holds so many dreams

Acceptance

2012-02-12T01:04:00.004+08:00

With no means to make anything awkward or complicated, the path is open to possibilities. But stepping up doesn't rhyme with the emotion with no hard feelings or so forth.. Everything has passed and the road has been cleared.Nothing was uncleared, it was all visible.

buckle uuuuup!

2012-02-12T00:42:00.003+08:00

Again, again and again! With a total of 3, i shall grant the third as my permanent. Im rooting high for this, so the sky is the limit! Insyallah. Period :P

Lately i've realize that i terribly lack on whats going on, simply because i didn't bother to know, my bad. So i've thought of the important area that im lacking that needs to be buckled up. Here's myself checklist! :p

1. The paper - Read them for god sake! even if im not interested to really know what troubles going around, i need to be aware and keep myself updated. Should really find a fix time in the morning to atleast flip thru those paper, skim and catch on things around.

2. Interior related work knowledge - Oh my god! this one gets on my nerve every time. just FYI, ive started at my new workplace. New place means new standard ( well its more or less, but there's always a different) which means i need to well observe and work my tiny brain harder. The boss seems to have quite an expectation out of me, which is goooood but nerve racking because i do not know alot of things...like how i look. hahaha i think sometimes i look to convincing at observing all the verbal input, which i need to.. only then when its time to get it done, ergh- takuts. because to understand in general is fine to do , i can keep up with that well.. but to get it done correctly as according on black and white, is not that simple you knowww. Erghh. I wonder what did my former boss told this friend of his, my new boss that is.. :( Frankly, im abit terrified but insyaAllah everything will work its way.. I really wanna make this as permanent as possible. I shall get myself ready to assist my boss.. he does his work F.A.S.T! (very unlikely me)and his very creative, something that i look forward to learn from him. So please buckle up and perform. please please please Kamilia. *breath out.

3. Less lepaking - means more saving. I think i should quit shisa. like for real.... hmmm. ok thats it on this.

4. J.O.G and E.X.E.R.C.I.S.E regularly.. something that is yet to be achieved on my standard for soooo long. this has been on my resolution/intention/target just too many times. $%&*(! get it done already.

As spoken

2012-01-31T11:36:00.004+08:00

Sometimes things are made simple for you, not as what u hope but something u had always expect. I've proven my point which to me is good enough for me to know. Disappointed of cos, yet glad at the same time. Glad that my years of unanswered question has finally been answered. So i accept it as it is. The decision was made clear, so i adapt. Exactly what i've done all this while and if I had not been as what i hope and thought, i apologize as it was all unintentional.

I may be upfront and open, but that doesn't make me less sensitive and if in any way people think i am, especially from those who I'd hope would understand and accept me as i am, then im not going to keep up with this vague guilt for my being. Im not perfect, and never will be.. but i always try to be better, and if havent been good enough for you.. what can i say.

I think and i know i've tried. Given the reaction back to back, i lost hope and im done trying. So yup! Had always been happy for you! if it was not shown before, im sorry but i had always been happy for you given all the circumstances.

It's such a waste but things happen, as you speak. Life goes on !

Heads up !

2012-01-31T11:14:00.003+08:00

I hope i didn't give a bad impression on what i've mentioned, at least i asked and hope he sees from where im coming from. Anyhow glad to know that im welcomed and still wanted lol. I knew asking first handed may make me look a bit questionable, but i had to do what i had to do, at least i think thats the right thing to do. InsyaAllah everything is good. One thing though happen to just strike me this morning...something for me to keep in mind: always expect the worst of out things, as you will always prepare at best, but never mistreat or misunderstood as your action are only for better caution :)

Cheers!

finger bites

2012-01-26T17:00:00.004+08:00

i thought of doing a little shopping today but instead i did some baking. mom seems busy on her lappy planning our little holiday while the little brother and sister are just lazying around with their games. So i spend my sweet time in the kitchen baking some simple chocolate finger. Simple ingredients with a little of effort on the piping that is. hehe nwasys I love baking. had always been.. i take baking as something fun and simple to do to fill up my spare time, but truthfully, baking isn't easy tho. Accuracy on the ingredients, baking temperature & time, and a lot of cleaning comes together with it.I don't mind really because the best part is seeing people enjoying them. it pays off biiiig time. ;) i wish i can cook well too.. just the other day, i helped mama (which i honestly rarely) cooked lunch. For a start, im totally good with pasta's, mee's, fried rice yada2 (i think everyone is good at making those food) its the 'complicated' ones like chicken curry, fish curry, all those 'lemak kuning' malay dishes that im not so good at cause i've never really tried cooking them. lol nway i did, with mama's help of cos and it was good.. haha and they wouldn't stop teasing me, saying i cook good! thing is, it wasn't really me, really! it was a joint effort of mama and me.. so i dont really accept the compliments cause the credit isn't 100% mine! ;p

im sailing

2012-01-25T21:30:00.004+08:00

i was welcomed on board and im hoping for a smooth sail :) 2012 shall start with hopes,dreams and reality. yea yea yeahh.

Pointless

2012-01-22T00:55:00.003+08:00

hmm... i've been staring at this page, not knowing how to start my post. its ironic. because normally i would just type away.. but i cant seem to find the right word on how to start this post. i have my subject clear in mind, yet to start it off seems hard.

Then again, do you realize, that this situation applies greatly in life ? lol yeah, im trying to be somewhat metaphoric, but i think im failing. hehe anyhow.. what im trying to say is that, you know how you may have so many thing plan ahead for you, but its finding the right point to make it happen, somehow can be bit vague.

its 2012 which means, Im going to be 23 this year. Well, there are things that i've achieved and truly grateful of, yet theres also handful of plans i've parked that havent seem to make it pitch at which i wanted it. I've had my shares of ups and down trough out last year, and im talking purely career wise here. In a year time, i think i've achieve little in my working life.. its upsetting, to have to face the fact that i was not able to reach the point where i wish i could. But then again, maybe i might be too harsh about it.. afterall its only a year right? .You know.. Its been very unfortunate for me, in which the occasion was not something i thought would meet its end this way.. But it was not by choice that i had to leave. Yes, dont get me wrong. leaving was my decision but the situation was not something that i could control. it just happen. So right now, im back to square one, of looking for more opportunities.. which i suppose im almost there.. but for now, i guess only time shall tell.

Frankly speaking, Im not entirely happy with how im handling, and seeing some of the things, and i have no one to blame but myself. Sometimes i wish something would just hit me hard so that i would start looking into things more. And thats where the problem is with me. I can't seem to meet that point yet! Its frustrating and i know i sound stupid for even complaining about myself on this.. but what the heck right.. Im just upset.. I really need to toughen up myself, or else i'll be forever complaining. Heh ~

Ok im done here. This seems pointless.

new year new year !

2012-01-18T13:47:00.004+08:00

if in any way this is still relevant, i'll start by with a warm Happy New year wish! hehe Ok so i know, i've been abandoning my blog for a very long time. of course, i still enjoy blogging but its unfortunate i havent been really discipline in doing it, in fact in most of the things i thought i would ! its upsetting really but anyhow i guess my principle still lives, whats past is past.

In summing up 2011.. well, theres few things that went trough the ups and down, and no im not gonna exaggerate, cause im sure fora fact theres others out there who has to face more obstacle compared to my little ranting. so thats about it. One event tho, just occur recently and im shying of from telling. I'll get into the details when its right, and when im settle. it just happen so suddenly and then comes in the other thing, i just hope everything that happen as how and why it is has all its reason behind it, and im sure it does. I've not regret it because of that faith i have with me through it all,

I think im going to sign up to another account as a start of the same old me as per 2012. This precious blog of mine has kept my ranting for over 8 years! i'd said some of the silliest, even rant out some of the obnoxious, and also some of the unexpected thought that turns out, well pretty ok. lol i love this blog. it brings back a lot of memories. I just figure, its best to start from A as i plan that my 2012's gonna be a start to something new, i just feel like something good is coming my way, or at least im hoping for it.

It might also become my design related sanctuary, where im gonna post some of the thing i find interesting. :)

p/s and comments that were posted by random anonymous readers are very pleasing to me :) thank you!

from A to B

2011-07-06T15:22:00.005+08:00

2 months of silence and here i am again, with this time around, jobless! funny how it all turns out. so the first job that i had wasnt a smooth sail as i thought or wish it would be. i can say alot of things happened within my 3 months of working life. to sum it up, i would say, i did not like it there because of some reasons. So, My advice at this point would be, Don't work at a place if YOU are the ONE and only employee. to be really honest, i have SO MUCH to say about it, but i don't want to be that type of person who trash on others here. So im going to be smart and not be RUDE about it. all i can say is, i just didn't like it. Just by the way, well, i think you are the one who's rude for calling me up with that tone and thought of accusing me. seriously, rude much.

So yes, i quit laste week and Alhamdulilah, i got an offer out of the blue yesterday. How ironic? but very grateful. Now, i don't want to rush my way in again because im pretty worried and scared of how things might just turns out again.. So yup, im still in the midst of considering. But by the sound and look of it, it seems like a good place to bloom. I met up with the boss yesterday out of a casual meeting, and it turns out pretty well. Its so happen he was a former lecturer in LKW only he was around few years before i entered, so i didnt know him then.. i supposed he did his research on me, lol called my former lecturer, whom im pretty close with because im pretty well behaved in all her classes and scored well to ! yea for me! haha ok enough on that.. So i was told to be quite recommended and 'reliable'. As mush as i am flattered, i am actually pretty worried if he might just have quite an expectation out of me. haih. but im really happy to know that im wanted in someways tho..

So yes, we'll see how it goes. the office is in the middle of KL, who would have thought. i had my shares of dreams to work in the middle of the city.. and boom! im very grateful yet i know its not gonna be an easy way up.. i can say im prepared, and i know im gonna see and meet more people with 'that kind' of attitude, but at least i think im prepared... and at least theres a support team in this company, even one of two that i might no off actually, cause they're my senior back in colllege. who would have thought huh? So as for now, all i can say is.. we shall see!

InsyaAllah everything would turnr out ok, Amin.

Unmeasured

2011-05-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

In little things i do, i see, feel that God had always give me his guidance and signs. And i really mean little things, that i might or could have taken for granted, but thank god, i realize it. Maybe its just me, still i wanna believe its all signs from Him. Im blessed to know that way and it gives me a sense of happiness when ever it happen. I know everything that pass trough my life, or where i might be ahead is where i was plan to do and to be. Life have kept me content despite the ups and downs, im still happy and excited for anything ahead. im always excited for it =) Somehow it tells me that everythings gonna be okay.

Happiness can't be measured or be stated in any static theory. I might not have 'everything' that i wish or hope i could have, but im still happy. Of course there are times, when i think of blankness, when i think im completely lost in my own world and it was all pointless, but its not long when im back on my feet and realize how beautiful things had been for me.

Yet sometimes in those happiness, i do get upset and unhappy with how i carry out things, and how i think i appreciate things and Him. Im not perfect and im not trying to be, all i want is to strive for better, in every way especially in ways of being grateful to Him.

You know, People can give you rubbish but not life, Life doesnt cheat us, its we, others and ourself who does that because Life is a gift from Him. and that my friend, is the best gift we own. Its beauty!

walk ahead

2011-05-10T00:35:00.002+08:00

Didn't expect it to be so well, im grateful its all in neutral lane. Its funny how it was translated in that particular way. gessh. to me, it was a stop, to not take any step ahead, backward, left or right. it meant setting it free. I don't know whether that took a lot of courage or was it just something i wanted to do. Because to be on hold is not what i want to do, i would much rather walk ahead with my pace.

deep thoughts

2011-04-16T01:16:00.002+08:00

thank you for treating me well, thank you for acting it well, thank you for not ignoring, thank you for however you put up with it. i've no hope on it, cause i've always remind myself of the consequences.. so i accepted it. but i just hate the fact when times i over analyzed and over think it. i just want things to be completely back to how it was, back to times when i feel at most comfortable with everything. i don't want to lose him as a friend, yet at the back of my head, i know one day he'll be gone. away from my comfort zone. cause i know him well.

its not a nice feeling tho, but thats what it is. if only i make things go my way, still i wont be that ridiculous. truthfully, i wish i could bring it up and talk it over honestly with you. but nope, theres no guts. i might just screw it up and drift you further away. nway thanks for making it easy for me whenever i see you. apart from that, its still hard to even think of uttering it out.

why oh why ~

a new phase to come

2011-03-25T15:58:00.002+08:00

im back =) back to blogging for some times, and back from the Holy Land. It was great! i will definitely go again, and if i am lucky enough, i wish to go there every year, insyaAllah. Slept all the way in the plane just now and i only woke up twice for my meals. well nway, im starting my work next month :D i've actually secured a job a week before i left for umrah. i got the one from my very first ever interview. its just a small id company, but i sure i am happy with my choice. its the kind of thing i wanted in the very 1st place, before i thought of going for bigger firms. i've actually got few other interviews after i accepted the offer, but i've made a commitment to the 1st one, so i am sticking with it. One of a company called for an interview was msia&sgpore based, they called for an interview the day i was leaving for umrah.. they're looking for id to word in JB. sounds interesting huh? adventure like that la.. jauh2 siket.. pretty established company i think, but again, i've commit ! :D and i dont feel like letting go the one i already took. eventho its not as big, but i believe i'll learn alot there, insyaAllah. i'll make good benefits out of everything i can get there hopefully. oh and the day i accepted the offer, i went for another interview earlier in the morning.. it wasnt an architecture or an id firm, but a property company, and its quiiite big. i was actually the 1st person to sit for the interview, can u believe it. i was early and punctual ! haha dee would be laughing at this if i tell her later. well nway, the interview was good, i sell myself like i have to and tadaaa, just checked my email and they called for a second interview, alhamdulillah! but im not going btw, but it just feels good to know that im sort of wanted. hahahaha poyo ni. =p im just gonna call up my soon-enough-work-place to confirm with them my attendance for the 1st day, afterwards lah..

I didnt have my digi line the entire time i was there, so any calls regarding interview was divert to my brothers number, 2 companies called in. (im just really really glad that people acknowledge my application)i dont know from which yet, along left all the details at the office. so yeah.

im excited and pretty nervous. but i hope everything goes well, insyaAllah. ;D

'i hope' alot

2011-02-08T00:51:00.004+08:00

hello bloggie.. its feb. only a month plus since graduation.. im still unemployed, not that i've look into any yet. but thank God the processes started this evening. i have finally start on my resume, its not done yet. gonna get it done tomorrow insyaAllah. Sk's house is finally empty, Angelyn aka my former lecturer will be the new tenant to it.. Sk home had been so dear to me and my house mates and our friends. im gonna miss that homme. moving on, well for a pathetic start, the gym stuff are yet to be settle.. hopefully really soon so i can go 'all out' konon lah. i've tame myself with my regular jogging routine, so that is a start for me ;). hmmm what elseeee? ok so i really hope i can settle my 'job preparation' by the end of this week. i've aimed for a few companies.. but you know how they say, it's not easy to get a job these days. i'll keep my finger cross and prayers with me all the timee, insyaAllah! i really hope i can get it start by April.. apart from that, i'll be off to Mecca on the 12th of March, performing my Umrah with my family for the first time! im very excited for it and really looking forward to it.

i've been sleeping really late or yet very early in the morning, say 4 / 5 am the usual time i would sleep during classes. and due to that, i would wake up at least at 12pm! yesss that horrible. mama complains sometimes, but other than that she doesnt mind i guess?? haha o well, it will stop anyway.. im looking forward to my 'career life' i have this idea of being busy.. i actually love the idea of getting busy.. weird kan. o well.. its like a whole new chapter, i know its not gonna be easy, but i hope good things awaits me ahead !

2011 will be a good year for me, insyaAllah. Aaaaamiiin.

'i hope' alot

2011-02-08T00:51:00.003+08:00

hello bloggie.. its feb. only a month plus since graduation.. im still unemployed, not that i've look into any yet. but thank God the processes started this evening. i have finally start on my resume, its not done yet. gonna get it done tomorrow insyaAllah. Sk's house is finally empty, Angelyn aka my former lecturer will be the new tenant to it.. Sk home had been so dear to me and my house mates and our friends. im gonna miss that homme. moving on, well for a pathetic start, the gym stuff are yet to be settle.. hopefully really soon so i can go 'all out' konon lah. i've tame myself with my regular jogging routine, so that is a start for me ;). hmmm what elseeee? ok so i really hope i can settle my 'job preparation' by the end of this week. i've aimed for a few companies.. but you know how they say, it's not easy to get a job these days. i'll keep my finger cross and prayers with me all the timee, insyaAllah! i really hope i can get it start by April.. apart from that, i'll be off to Mecca on the 12th of March, performing my Umrah with my family for the first time! im very excited for it and really looking forward to it.

i've been sleeping really late or yet very early in the morning, say 4 / 5 am the usual time i would sleep during classes. and due to that, i would wake up at least at 12pm! yesss that horrible. mama complains sometimes, but other than that she doesnt mind i guess?? haha o well, it will stop anyway.. im looking forward to my 'career lie' i have this idea of being busy.. i actually love the idea of getting busy.. weird kan. o well.. its like a whole new chapter, i know its not gonna be easy, but i hope good things awaits me ahead !

2011 will be a good year for me, insyaAllah. Aaaaamiiin.

im so random

2011-01-13T17:24:00.003+08:00

theres something new about me now that i've learnt myself.. and that is i dont like to share just as much anymore. and no, i am not stingy. LOL not that kind of not sharing.. what i meant by share is my feelings and all those emotional side of me.. maybe i still do it, but not as open as i used to. i would normally tell my mom everything, my friends.. but now i choose what to say and what not to say.. sometimes i tihnk its better to just deal with it myself. i used to believe that i am more easy when its let out, when i share it. but things change. and its a good change tho. i learn to trust myself more because heck these days, you can't trust people. not even those who thought you knew you'd always trust, you wanna know why? because people change. and i do to in some ways. im 22 these year. i gotta be able to trust myself with my own decision.. of cos i talk to people all the time, get their opinions and perspectives but by the end of the day, its me, because its my life.

i used to have those ears who would listen, or so i thought i had. god knows. now, everything seems vague. i dont know whether i should let myself drown in false thoughtS. you dont care, and i might not care anymore.. i dont fancy what i see.. and i hate, i truly hate assumptions. people drift apart but i try to keep those i love close, those i believe who cares for me and love me.. even if they sink away, i'll try and make an effort to put myself near them so i can be part of them. but if they're not trying, i rather just terminate that. shove away all the thoughts and emotions. yet as easy as it may sound, those are always the hardest to achieve.

it scares me a bit tho sometimes to think that i might be from this extrovert person to an introvert. which i dont think i would. but the thought do come to me. no kidding. i wonder what will happen to me if im not bubbly anymore, but i still believe i am . haha its just, you know.. thoughts. and worst when you're down. it gets harder. but whatever it is, by the end of the day.. i still believe im an optimist. things happen and it'll keep on happening. God is the fair and life moves on. =)

having said everything, i still talk to my mom of cos, but i guess its normal to go through a phase where sometimes its 'your time'. you know, its all you. but by the end of the day, no matter how old you grow, i believe it deeply that mom always knows best. in some ways! :P

i love my life, i love my family, i love my friends, and i love just about everything that is God has given me..Syukur Alhamdulillah. And yes love comes and goes, but one love that i know will never ever go away, is my mom's love. i love her SO much beyond anything eventho she annoys me sometimes. LOL

all smile and laugh

2010-12-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

i had a great wonderful day today. brought my baby brother and sister to sunway for an ice skate, minus my sister skating since she wasnt up for it. so it was just me and adam. its been awhile since i skate, so i definitely enjoyed myself. lamely 'dance' and skate to the christmas songs they played.. the rink was full i have to say.. but anyhow, it was all good. send the kids home and met up with nabila. had our hi tea together with some juicy so called gossip and laughed our heart out. great stuff.
went to the gym for a a couple of mins to change my brother's membership to mine. yeayy so now i can really work on the exercise stuff! it didnt take long till i fetch qila and went for our movie. so there was us, the three single happy-to be-in-our-condition ladies! im glad the outing went so well because they've really hang out together, what more gossip and chit chat up each other's sleeve. we all just have so much in common! hahaha.i look forward to next week for another session of our girls night out <3

i just feel so nice today, thank you God.

optimism

2010-12-23T15:16:00.002+08:00

i was woken up this *evening.. by a phone call from my brother. he asked me to look for his stuff so i did. went through his file and yet didn't find what he was looking for. he said his thanks and i hang up the phone. while at it, i flip through again the files for double checking till he called back and said, i found it. aha..good to know. i put back all the files together while skimming them through.. it was all files of his work, his acceptance letter and his expected pay* shhhh hehehe n all. and then it struck me la.. wow i need a job soon. not in a bad way but very inspiring way. weird huh. somehow i started imaging myself of how its like to be on my interview since i do talk a lot. and i actually sort of rehearse an 'interview' on my own on what i might just say.. because i've never been on an interview for work. heck i didnt had any interview during my intern. working there was like a free pass. thanks dad. but i think this time around, i might jsut wanna do it on my own. =) so then, i was just excited. i was excited for what ever interview i might had somehow somewhere in the future.. and work. i think i can do this. i thnk i can be a great worker! what drives me are actually the acceptance letter with the pay i saw earlier! like damn man. thats some kind of money. i wish i could make just as much. full time job plus freelancing should do it. and thennnn i can work on my year end plan. a trip to Spain. hahahah too high in expectation much? but insyaAllah..it might just sound too dreamy. but hey! nuthing is impossible. i will try my best to make it happen. my first back packing with friends in Europe. and it if works out, probably it could happen again and again. insyaAllah.

u see, when im enthusiastic, everything is beyond expectation. but thats not good right? but i try not seeing it in that way. i think life is full of possibilities. how u see it and how u make it is very important. if u were to list my dreams and goals. Wow. it might just beat the Sultan's plan. LOL. i have alot in mind! but in mind alone is not important, its where and how it begins i suppose. insyaAllah. i still got a lot of time. but watever it is, the most important i suppose is to keep the optimism on and effort in. my optimism are alwaysss on, and the effort comes when the opportunities come.. insyaAllah! pray for me. Amin.

slow down

2010-12-15T15:12:00.002+08:00

i wasnt in my best mood yesterday when i was asked to work on something.. probbly because of the things i heard about earlier. but it should be good now.. it worn off.. gotta work real on this one. be it if it happens or not.. i sure hve my doubts. but the relation is the closest for me to condemn. working close i thought would be an eady access, which it could. but somehow, the feeling differs in so many ways i think. hmph.. its too early to judge.. but it happen once! and i didnt like it rhat much. in fact i hated it. what such 'loco'. god i gotta really set myself off all these negative energy.

face up!

2010-12-14T14:03:00.003+08:00

its either a sensible caring guy or no guy at all. thats it. new year new year~ im renewing my 'contract' with dear aqilah, so i've decided today. as bias as i can be right now, sorry but most guys are useless. and thats fact. so why bother thinking more on how life's like ahead with anyone when whats important now is to think for my own. hmm work, money, travel, food, family, friends and cats! =p a year now, and only one guy i would consider sensible in the needed way out of the rest. but to bad, he wasn't made for me. if he had, it wouldn't be that much interesting anymore would it? im catching my new year's joy early this time, im too excited for whats ahead in 2011! unlike 2010. it was.. rather slow and erk. can't think of a word to suit it just perfectly, but never the less, it'd thought me alot. internship and final semester was alot of ups and downs. used to complained on and on, but now i see the point.. its worth the walk. all in all, im still grateful and enriching every sec of it now.

maybe i had been to overly judgmental through out 2010. i dont know why. but really really, 2010 was no good to me ;( still yet, it ended good in some ways. The family trip was an awesome one. anyone who havent visit Turkey, should get their ass of there. its breathtaking and full of history and excitement. even the guys are good looking there. ;) what else, graduation's soon and ive got some plans on in my head. not rushing to anything tho.. im stil young . 21 infact. i've got some good ol free time to take my time and not rush to anything while working my way to success!! and whats that ? too many to be mentioned and it would in some way too dreamy to be mention i suppose.

blisful, for now. alhamdulillah =)

sweet n sour

2010-11-27T15:16:00.003+08:00

its done. hah. 4 years all in all, and soon enough. i'll have a role in my hand, insyaAllah. the ending was not as delightful as i wish it would be, but alhamdulillah i did my best, i suppose. and it was all good experiences, of both sweet and sour. im slightly down tho that it ended sour in how i see it, but im okay now. its funny that im feeling these way, because i thought i would be relief and excited. now that the time has really come, it scares me. its like, baby steps all over again. everything is just about to start again.. working life. the adult life. then i ask myself.. am i ready for all these big changes? =/ im scared, and its even worst that i feel like i have no one really to lean on. but thats life isn't it ?

im clueless all over again, im scared. i dont know whats ahead of me.. im not fully enthusiastic just yet. Maybe its all just now in this period of time, but insyaAllah soon, i'll see something ahead for me to reach on.

crazzzy

2010-11-11T01:15:00.001+08:00

why the hell are you so sweet!! this is not fair.

content

2010-11-09T16:49:00.002+08:00

he's a good guy. and i guess i really do like him.. but i do not expect anything in return.. anymore. im happy enough he's in my circle. hopefully the friendship last =)

why now

2010-11-06T03:33:00.004+08:00

this is ridiculous. i think my feelings are tying to trick me again. it keeps manipulating my decision of liking or not liking a particular person. so i've always had a crush on him, maybe not always but i've had the firsssst time i saw him.. got to know him, then we became friends.. switched the crush button off, then on again, then off, now i dont know but i think its on again. and it sucks! cause we're friends. like we are really friends.. put me hours with him, we'll have something to talk about and it wont be awkward. i enjoy his company very much.. his like the perfect catch in general. well mannered, well educated, well behaved, well sense of humour. very attentive.. a gentleman, and im not saying just because i like him, but because its fact. and i know liking him only means heart break for me, cause for a fact i know he doesn't like me, cause im a friend to him... and i just feel like.. it will never happen. but then tho, i wonder what ifff he knows, haha. but i dont have the guts tho. the friendship's too cool, im afraid of jeopardizing it.

i thought i didnt like him, really. till i heard rumors of him seeing someone, asking someone out.. which is something because knowing how he is... and knowing him, that means something.. and i felt some jealousy in me. funny funny.

i still wonder, what does all this mean, do i actually likkke him? because i know the rationale of why i set to not like him, eventho i actually do yet unsure; because his a catch and he is practically the type of guy i want.. but i knnow by how he treats me, which is well. is practically how he is with everyone else.. then that onee particular girl, should be a lucky one huh. o well im rambling.

i guess, why i stop myself from not liking him, is because i just know, what the outcome will be like. thats how i see it. hey, u can never get what u want right? i think that quotes fit perfectly for me..

1 sec

2010-11-04T14:01:00.002+08:00

design's worrying me like nobody's business. it sucks. hah. and lately, ive been a bit emotional here and there. hmph. funny funny

2010-10-28T03:29:00.002+08:00

ok funny shit. i was just going through my other blog, and i amused myself with such blindness of stupidity, then. .

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
yadayadayada..i wanna be with him for the rest of my life. yadayadayada.

hahahahahaha omg. i actually did at a point thought that i wanted to spend blablabla. im glad it came.. im glad he screwed up.

things always happen for a reason dont they =)

B O R I N G

2010-10-28T03:08:00.003+08:00

sketchup keeps on hanging on me. ;( every few mins... like 15-20 mins or even less then that it'll go '(not responding)'.. just as it is now. haih. 3 more weeks.. i think its scary. my works abit slow. i just hope i'll manage everything in time with a satisfying outcome *fingers cross*. theres just alot still to go. i gotta see my lecturer asap cause i did some changes.. oh and then the thesis. glad i got a 'very good' remark but with 'amend according to comments' which is alot. hah! that can wait i guess..

ok so whats the plan ahead? im still blur. i think 21 is pretty early to not study anymore.. so master perhps? but whaaat? thats the problem. i dont know just yet what to do if i happen to go for master. hmmmph... i guess maybe i'll just work 1st? or just goyang kaki? haha ggeeez.

i feel so lifeless. my life is officially a bore. when the boredom strikes. cause its not always a bore la. just when i feel like it is. ok im crapping lah. im in subang atm, just feel like staying home this whole week.. then i'll jail my self up in sk for the next few weeks till everything ends. wow everything ends.. that sounds just sad. what should i do then when im done, and everyone else still hype with school? hah boring boring boring.

bittersweet

2010-10-17T13:05:00.002+08:00

its october now. its too fast to be honest. final's ending in 5 weeks time from now. its scaryyyy. im not even half way done with the project.. need to speed up a lil. hah! ok so by the end of they year i'll be graduating.. probably will go for an umrah trip then.. and then comes 2011.

hmmm i really hope 2011 will treat me well. 2010 had been a bitter one for me, ive had good and bad times of cos, but i jsut think its all bitter sweet for me. half of the time im blur, lost ans sort of unsure... i just hope i'll see more opportunities and happiness ahead. yesss good happiness. been craving for a good piece of happiness.

so 2011, i have to start working then.. but im gonna give myself a good holiday 1st. im thinking of going to uk for a few weeks, we'll see about that. hopefully it happen.. maybe find out what i wanna do for my master..cause i just had this idea of doing lecturing as my 2nd option, mybe like a part time job for me, that'll be great. and i can continue with my freelance work. surprise2 my client called again last night, saying he got a new job for me but im not sure if i should take in any now, because of my final.. we'll see about it too... hopefully i can work something out for that one.

as it is for now... 5 more week! god thats crazy. i hope i'll manage well. insyaAllah, its scaryin really.. i cant exactly picture yet the overall of my design :/ God help me.

when will this end

2010-10-08T20:09:00.003+08:00

'whats done is done'.. i think thats great phrase. don't look back and keep on going. had a great week.. but i dont know why.. it often ends with mellow feelings. i don't get it and i'm not gonna think of why it is..

im consistently frustrated over some matters. its like heart breaking la. but what to do. just ignore it, cause theres nuthing else to do then ignore. i wish i could have things much much simpler, but Nopee!. a well.. watever lah.

teeth sucks man

2010-10-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

i feel like wearing the braces again... on my upper teeth. not that i miss it, but i neeed it. dead serious.. but its so bloody expensive for the upper teeth alone for erm less than half a year of wearing it.

my teeth is just ugly now. hmph. and yea yea its my fault. i want braces! again

why so la

2010-10-01T16:21:00.003+08:00

if two people of the different sex goes out together doesn't always mean its a date. i think i go out with those of the opposite sex quite often and none had ever really been a date, its just 2 friends hanging out together. chilling, occupying time. and seriously speaking, i don't mind asking a friend out (a guy, in this context). on a regular basis for a drink or a chit chat.. or most likely for a good sport. but often cliche, people think im asking them out for a date. hah shallow. or they themselve might jsut think ' is this girl asking me out on a date?'. well NO. i don't. i dont ask guys out for date. when i say 'heyyy letss hang out, catch a movie.. im bored!' means im bored, and im thinking of doin something.. and why not ask you since im talking to you now, or since i think u might be available. thats all to it actually.

why can't i ask people to hang out without them thinking im asking them out for a date? haih, its just 2 friends hanging out together u know.

walk free, just dont cross the line

2010-09-27T22:29:00.003+08:00

why do i have to deal with a stupid person who has to be a friend? i hate the fact that sometimes i have to do smething, out of my will. cause im left with no choice. and when im force to, in that kind of situation, very little or maybe nuthing of what i do come with sincerity. so it doesnt benefit me in any way. and i hate that. cause i do something OUT OF MY WILL. argh!

i always believe im somewhat optimistic and i live towards that, but sometimes.. something will always tick us off. and i keep reminding myself that its normal. and it happends.. like for example. i cried my eyes out last week because of something small and silly, but i felt it, DEEP. lol my friends laugh when they heard of why i cried, even i laughed myself. but still. when we're just in 'that' moment. well, it happens.

i guess how i am is that, no matter how angry i am, i know by the end of it.. i'll come to a sense of ' oh ok thats why its like that/that " despite the stupid/idiotic/senseless reason they tend to come out with. god knows if its true or not... accept je lah. unless, if the line is cross..

honestly speaking, im very straight forward, be it directly or indirectly. im not good at pretending nice when i dont like it.

system on and go please

2010-09-21T14:50:00.003+08:00

let see what do i have to do this week.

~ DESIGN! im gonna put whatever info i have together. develop spatial planning etc.
1. spatial planning
2. relating zoning with human behavioural + interior environment
3. concept! got something in mind as for now.. shall develop more.
4. mood board/color scheme/ formation etc.

but what i need most now is, layout plan in AutoCAD. then everything will hopefully run smooth.. sketchup can come along then.

Apart from that, im suddenly involve with this competition my friends signed me up with them. we have to work the overall site, design, and system of a new concept of mosque in and out within 10 days. im basically in charge for the internal spaces. we'll see how that goes.

and then theres report for asnawiee. blergggh. will touch on that soon i guess, fri's the submission! hmph

super goood view

2010-09-19T12:16:00.004+08:00

last night was exciting for me and amliy.. we went to a wedding of a friend of mine in ss1. it was a very intimate wedding, i didnt know anyone except for the newlywed. but funny enough, it was no biggie for me to attend the wedding.. didnt feel shy or anything, instead i was up for some good 'cuci mata' exercise. haha and yes! thank god there was this one extremely good looking guy, who is the bride's brother. :O lol! no doubt, i swear he is good looking. wasn't the typical buff kind, small and cute actually. but his face was. geez. too good looking. sooo basically i had a very good view yesterday. hahaha even at one point he sat exactly infront of us (well his friend's on the same table, thats why) was just fooling around with amliy as usual laughing at our own lame jokes and assumption. the food was good too and the newlyweds was beautiful together. i miss hang out with them, gotta find time oneday to hang out with the couple!! they're such a sweet couple. oh ! and we even had a good laugh on the way to the weeding as she was telling me some really STUPID IDIOTIC story. good gossip ;) funnnnnnnnnyyy i tell you.

ok so now, i just gotta get back on my b plan. i dont know if i can make it on time, :/ but i guess i have no choice left huh. back to writting!

nways, Congratulations to Dalia and Azree. may you guys have a beautiful and blessed life together. InsyaAllah =)

bplan here we go

2010-09-18T16:41:00.001+08:00

yeay got the stuff plan for bplan.. off for a lil open house a wedding for abit,
then back to work. =)

some stuff

2010-09-18T03:24:00.002+08:00

purple, my favorite.

grateful today

2010-09-17T22:17:00.003+08:00

i had a good day today.yay for myself. :)

but now, lots to do.oh stuff~ hah. i can do it. i can do it. i can do it. i need to let myself know that i can do it.

another sad entry? lol

2010-09-16T15:14:00.004+08:00

its raya already. so how long have i not really been blogging? for awhile noww huh. whats been up? nuthing muchh. only been busy with school stuff.. tryin to get things work like it or not. i gotta go all out for this one. its the final.

between time, i met old faces, new faces ..i watch people go and i meet people again.. i guess i gotta keep my optimism back on. its been awhile now. and i just don't think its healthy goin on like this any longer. i need all the optimism back. i just need it. i might not have what i wish i could, but im grateful for whatever i have.

some days im just sad, some days im beyond happy... i wish for many things, but God give me this life, this path that will lead me to my future, of what that is.. im yet waiting for. im eager, and im scared too. things that i wish for doesnt really seem to work for me, but for them.. im not complaining of envious or jealousy..instead i drown myself with curiosity for what is there for me if my wishes can never really be mine. its depressing at certain point.. i've had a series of mix emotions for as long as it is now, i see people i care for sailing to success, adoring people they love. people i used to love, living up their life, and im happy for them for finding something to hold on to. its beautiful really. but mine.. well its yet to come i guess.. =) im done sympathizing myself at this point, its pathetic, im pathetic for being one, i admit.

im just gonna keep doing whatever im suppose to, do everything of it with a smile and a strong heart. oneday i'll find my place of that certainty that im looking for. to be honest, im just not as planed as how i used to be.. how its like gonna be at certain degree. it doesn't work that way anymore. and as i much as i'm pissed at myself for feeling this way, im helpless.. theres no one. i just feel like, i do not have anyone to lean on to anymore. and i dont know if whenever that'll change.

but dont take me wrongly, im happy with my life. im grateful, Syukur Alhamdulillah. Allah is fair. =D peacee

blah

2010-08-24T16:23:00.002+08:00

if i say im dissapointed, will it even change? maybe not
if i say i care, does it even matter? maybe not

white flag. im done for now.
im tired, really tired. i need sleep~

not great

2010-07-28T13:49:00.003+08:00

i feel unappreciated in certain ways for certain things from certain people.

hmph, pms maybe ?

but what the hell, things doesn't revolve around me alone, wuit being emotionally selfish.

truth is, at certain times, i just don't like some people, i don't want to be around some people, i don't like some attitude and i dont even like some of my attitude.

its no one's fault but mine. i put all blame on myself for not thinking clearly before doing certain things nor get involve in certain things. i dont like certain someone cause i find them completely ridiculous and i don't like acting my acts and feeling, 'oh i dont mind' cause i do in some ways.

and people change. no doubt. i feel and i know im this one terrible person in myself. and honestly speaking, im kind of lost of finding what the hell is wrong. i hate the fact that i don't like certain people. its not that i hate them or anything like that. its just tht, i dont fancy their attitude. and i dont think its wrong for me to choose my friend at this point.

maybe im this one chirpy girl who doesnt know how to control the volume of my laughter cause i can't even be bother of what people think, or maybe im this one girl who gets annoyed easily by some so called people who i tend to please just so to be nice, or maybe it could be just anything! errgh!

i think i've had some changes too myself, changes i dont even ask for, i dont even want. but i guess it just happen.. but things dont just happen. everything, everything happens for a reason, and if theres one thing i've learn, is that some things are just meant to be kept to myself.

and i realized, i have no one but myself in this. wow. finally. it hits right through.

months~

2010-07-18T23:58:00.003+08:00

suddenly here comes goose bum, out of nowhere~ and i knew i had to vent it. hehe. mama's on skype with angah, i miss my brother. talked a lil bit with him just now, but he's not feeling to well so my hyperness seems to be like an annoyance to him i guess. hehehe.. but yess, i miss my brother. =(

but besides that, gee life. haha here it goes again. im finishing my intern in a week time :) im happy to start my class again, but im gonna miss my fun and laid back colleagues. i think im gonna bake them brownies as my thank you gift on the last day. i brought some last week, and they love love it, so it seems. hahaha :D and note to self, bake extra for kaklong and my family.

sooo roughly 5 month on internship, i learned a lot, work wise and life wise. i am more detail with detail drawings on acad. haha cause thats practically the only thing i do. being around my colleagues, the kakak2 who are married, newlyweds and single too teach me a thing or two. eventho i did miss a number of days due to just malas to go to work, mc's and on my famous 'study leave'. it had been a good experience for me.

theres just so much more for me to look at ahead. but sometimes it scares me, the fact of moving forward, working life, and yada yada yada. with the competition and being in this line i guess. sounds exaggerative, but thats fact for me. i wanna make it big for me if possible. insyaAllah.

august is just around the corner, means puasa is around the corner! and then raya, and then there comes next year. hah! isnt it funny how fast time flies? farah's going soon, by the end of this week. im gonna miss her. so much.

it is what it is

2010-06-26T21:36:00.000+08:00

up till this day, it still lingers in head.. wondering where do i stand.. i know for sure where u are in mine. i think its not too much for me to say that we've been through a lot together havent we? and imagining not havin you around could get a little bit awkward, and very sad =/ but i keep telling myself that time will pass by just like that, without even realising it, u might just be standing in front of me again.

i dont know what im feeling now, but i know no matter what i will sure miss you. i know theres tons of other people that u care for in your life, and i hope im one of those important ones to you, cause sometimes it kills me thinking where do i stand.. and yes, i might just sound a bit overrated, but after all the things.. i just can't be too confident with my words.

i know you to well, your ways and your thoughts and i know well enough the way you express it, to me or to anybody for that matter. cause i know. i just know.

i wish nuthing but the best for you in everything, every single thing u do.. i know that you are half way there. u have a beautiful family, wonderful friends and ur precious love. you have it and alot more to come to you. =) to me, theres no room for replacement over the bond we've had, that is for sure.

im really sad if you had to leave, even for a year or so. but im happy if that what makes you happy.

again ?

2010-06-12T05:24:00.004+08:00

i was told assumption is a mother of all fucked up. assumption and opinions differs. opinion matters, but assumption bitters. so u go figure, which would u prefer. getting angry seems pointless at time, and i think getting upset seems more worthy, at least it show it touches u deep either you are sad, disappointed or devastated or what not. i think angry only leads to hatred and grudge. but then again, anger channel to sarcasm is even better, cause in away its funny to know that little words deliberated can annoy that particular party. at least we could spit off some of the anger and add on the rest with laughter. that is what i think. it fits my way almost perfectly :P

so i say, Sarcasm is better than Anger.

and how in a world do i came out with all this? thanks to someone, who assumed,exploded, and shrink off. i think what u did was weirdly done and well, upsetting. yet again.. i could not be too bothered. im just a simple, straight forward kind of person. u make me feel like i need to repeat that stupid particular incident when i go straight in your face.. with a smirk of disappointment and say "seriously, things like this shouldn't even be an issue in the 1st place'.

I've made it clear, that i don't talk behind the back, because as far as im concern, what ever things i feel like i wanna say, i say it. when u say 'if u wanna know, just ask me ok' please excuse me, its your life really.. if u wanna share, i'll listen. if u don't wanna tell, i dont mind either. and if people talk, it doesn't always mean bad mouthing. hello, everything has its different perspective.. does that need to be explain as well? "OO EEM GGEEE!!". pfft~

im sorry for being to straight forward. but its better this way rather than u might just come up with another assumption. realllllyy, its not all about you. i laugh alot to awhole lot of other things too you know.

refresh

2010-05-22T04:07:00.002+08:00

the counter is finally closing. eeet~

it was indeed, refreshing.

aaah* relief~

=)

my only confession

2010-05-18T00:35:00.001+08:00

im really.. literally laughing whenever u tend to say something .. unpredictable.

you are secretively mysteriously funnnyyy.

and note, its a compliment =)

... ah sounds better then.

you are funny.

...am i ? hehehehe

well yes, you are =)

crush curshh

2010-05-14T17:59:00.004+08:00

me got a crush. o crush, isnt that normal ? i think i have so many crushes before this. it comes and goes, one after another and its not wrong at all =) how i see it, its like an enteraiment to me, to stalk. (ahahahahahah)to day dream when boredom strikes. there goes my secret and dont try denying it, everyone does it tooo. boo! so yea nuthing to be ashmed off there.

i was talking to my housemate just now, how beatiful the idea of a marriage could be, she's getting married by the end of this year by the way. im so happy for her =) then it got me exicted on how mine would be and when will it be. i have this vision of how i want it to be, but to whom? hahaha that leave a question mark. i've no idea! i've always had a good feeling when it comes to marriage, i mean its a beautiful thing. i hope i'll have mine one day, insyaAllah.. cause u know. sometimes i feel like, i might not just end up getting hitch. hahaha i know it sounds pathetic, but to tell you the truth, i had this thing in me where i feel like i might jsut lack off when it comes to this department.

to think of it, i feel like i never really had been in a relationship despite the last one, yea so ok it was a relationship. but a fake one i suppose after knowing the truth. the fact that i learnt about the truth howerver kept me strong and stop me from being the usual 'crying-sad-broken-hearted' girl. worst for me, i couldnt even cry! which is good and bad at the same time tho. its good cause it kept my head held high, but bad cause the sadness, frustation are boxed up inside.(well not anymore, im just repharasing my so called life, hehe) i've learn how hurt feels way back when i was in high school, so that was nuthing new, but being betrayed and fooled was of course a new thing to me. i wonder what else there is out there for me to learn, to taste before i could eventually be happy? but i definitely learn something from the recen one. i learn how stupid a person can be and how great a liar could live a pretencious life. its AMAHZING how they do it, its amazingly stupid that is, and im not mocking, cause i sure sound like one. im just.... analyzing =) im good at analyzing u know, been thought a lot since im in this line :p

i am a happy person in general. but tell me who doesnt expereience the bad side of life? its supoerficial if people say they are 'happily every after'.

o well, this is my life afterall. im still grateful for good or bad.

noww back to the crush, LOL haih what else can i say. its a CRUSH. thats all.

nway say hi to popaaai there =)

good to feel good

2010-05-11T00:13:00.002+08:00

i feel good. tadadadadaa =)

yupps i feel good tho. this past few days had been good, alhamdulillah. despite all the weird i-hve-no-idea problems that had been lingering in my mind, at last i dont feel so lost anymore.

pieces are patching itself as time pass by.. im glad. u know, sadness, emptiness bla bla are all just part of life. i know i must sound silly for saying this, but thats my walk.. i took my time to walk my path. so, yes. im glad.

i knew talking with mama would definitely be a good treat for me. its been months since i actually sit and had a talk with her, so it was defintely worth it.

from work perspective, its moving on slow since the workload arent that much. but i just gotta go with it, its work afterall. im just an intern, and i had been actually mc-ing myself alot! lol so i really got stop doin so.

silly

2010-05-07T17:09:00.000+08:00

be SMART laa

who knew

2010-04-29T03:53:00.002+08:00

i stomped the minute i felt u sounded like her. i didnt like it. u are stronger than that, only you refuse to believe so. but its okay, its life... its your life, you choose the path you walk. do what u think is right for you, good or bad, u'll see me behind you no matter what.

but what sadden me is knowing that you dont wanna try to be strong for yourself.

It is not the end of everything.

one at a time

2010-04-24T21:35:00.003+08:00

on a mission nak kurus ( since forever ) buuuut seriously lah kamilia dzulkifli, pls do something about it.pffft.

and on a mission hilangkan jerawat.. hmm how?

hah, im pissed-off free today. thank god. had a good time with anis just now. i missed old faces, i need them. tho my tired-ness is still hang around. i wish i could have it my way. but nope..tapi xpela..~ im grateful still.

my time will come, and yours will defintely too.. i pray to god every single time.

you can be a little too irritating

2010-04-23T01:53:00.004+08:00

everybody needs a time off sometimes, and i am one of them. no, im not running away from anything, but i just need a pause from the surrounding, not bother and just act like i dont care. i think its normal to feel lost evry once in awhile, no doubt i've felt this way from time to time occasionally. nuthng in particular, i just need it in general. i wish i have the money and the guts just drive up somewhere and just enjoy myslf. but no, not relevant for me, yet. im too rational, im not the what-the-heck risk taker. o well.

at the sam time tho, i think i need some retail teraphy.. but how is that possible when im tight on my budget. aihhh so sad kan. i need some changes. changes for my self completely. i just wana do it for myself.. for a good course.

i neeed it.

and you know wat, im suddenly pissed off. i think im nice enough to just accept it cause well u're just like that. but whn it gets too much, how should i tel you off, that ''u're just like that" is very senseless and irritating actually. how do i tell you in a nice way so that u could realize it? and its just not me, its them too. and frankly speaking, im not keen with the situation of having to discuss about a fried with other friends, its just not nice. so how do i put and end to it, i would really love to do so.

if i were to look back, i think i've been direct to you in some ways, i've point it out to u occasionally with my very famous sarcastic gesture and i've been countlessly indirect to you. hmph. and you just dont seem to get it.. hah! you are green, maybe you're on a learning phase. still, everyone else have phases too, its normal.. but u just dont need to be to obsess on tryin be somethin you're not. u are okay the way you are, just embrace it and work on it lah. dont waste your effort in trying to be someone else.. people around will definitely notice it.

im not gonna say that directly to your face cause i wouldnt wana hurt a friend's feeling, but im just one of us, human being.. who has feeling. and its just so happend, its full load of feeling irritated and pissed off for the time being. seriously, u needa reality check. and sometimes u just gotta listen to what ppl have to say about you and sink it in, you might not like what you hear.. but u gotta do something about it.

pls dont look too obsess/desperate. coming from a friend, i'll try making an effort to make you realise it.. but not now. im just pissed off.

like how AM said it " in a rude way, baru nak Up la tuu.."

im pissed off somehow

2010-04-17T19:41:00.007+08:00

noboby's perfect, im definitely am not. i've got flaws. i accept it, i deal with it, i learn to improve and i learn to live with it. but flaws..i still slack at it, from time to time. But im glad, i know i have common sense. i might appear as a blur person to some, i admit i am at times! and people laugh at me for being one, but i dont mind really. its not big of a problem only if they run out of boundary. am i ignorance? i hope not, but god knows.. i know im straight forward and i have to ability to show what i feel there and then, perhaps not much in words, cause im simple =) the stare and oh very sarcastic smile/laugh is too easy to be express. sometimes i think people get the idea if i dont like something, im no good at being oblivious, i love the 'obviousity' of being =D i can accept people easily if they are who they are, but not someone who lives a life in denial.. or perhaps, on a baby step of entering the 'fantasy like denial world'. please, pleasse remember that the world isn't everything, and really, the world doesnt revolve around you, even people around your circles for all you know, doesnt think u revolve much around their life =D get some clue and please live a normal life, why make things complicated to look stupid ? that is the saddest way to live a life i believe.

im no perfect, and its sad to know that deep down inside i despised some people.. not one, but a few. and shockingly somehow it spans out more as time ticks on. i know its normal to learn people are bizarre out there, but the fact that it revolve around me. it lingers here and there. if only theres a special eraser for unfortunate memories..still it makes me laugh, really. but along with it, im disgusted. i hold no hatred but im too disgusted by it. i feel bad for saying that i dont wish bad things for you but i dont wish u well. if only im revengeful and filled with grudges up to my chest, they'll pay. i can be quite dominating, but truth to be told, i got none in grudges. So, be it. i let go.. but i won't forget. bullshit if people can totally forget what had affected their life.

im very pisseed off to know that it turns out way too childish, stop acting like a 5 year old for god sake. i know by now, even by months ago, i dont revolve any closer to it, but So what? this is my anger, my feelings. it was by far, the most stupidest crap i've encounter. really, its annoyingly funny and disgusting. i have my ways of knowing things and i know, i know something just to well to put you from centre right too the very tip of the world. you shitload.

p/s this is normal way to talk when someone is pissed off. bare with me

putu's pls

2010-04-12T21:48:00.004+08:00

im craving for that~ hmmph where can i get my putu mayam ? i've been onlook for it for 2 days now. drove by the the runcit near my house the 1st time, cause the guy who sell it usually waits there on his bike ~ but he was no where in sign tho.. probably cause it was already 7ish. tried looking for it again just now, this time at another usual spot where i used to get it, baccck in those days. still nuthing~ and again, probably because of the time was pass 7. i dont knw la if its pass 7 would have any effect on them running their business. hah.~ i might just as well ask my mom if she could get it for me tomorrow.

the lappy's acting up. its too freaking slow for an impatent person like me. i've got a few things to settle in hand.. but i just dont feel so good right now. calling for another mc i guess. i just want my putu mayam~

and perhaps this too~ hmmph.

random

2010-04-04T12:02:00.002+08:00

mamamiyah, boredom strikes. hpmph. whats there to mumble about today? since i've nuthing interesting goin on lately, i'll go on with my blogging today with a typical lame blog lah. Soooo, i woke up early today, for a sunday its considered early i suppose? 10.30am :D haha had breakfast, bath n all. n here i am. tadaa. and i off for a little karaoke session in 30 mins time :D

nway, had my class last week, after 3 cancelation. So i've got my title for my research, which is erm pretty intersting but a little rare i think. we'll c. i hope i wont get too much hassle with the literature review later on. i really like the idea but say if its too much to handle, i do have another back up plan tho, So i assume things are ok. i gotta start working on my reading and research. i need to score this subject. gotta fix those uglyh pointers.

talking bout ugly, im so stressed with this white head attacking my face. ive got tones of it, its ridiculous. i missed the ol times when it was all clean and clear. i dont know what is it really that leads to this annoying dots on my face. aih. probably the weather ? orrr ermm my eating habits? erm god knows. im lost. haih sabar je lah.

now at this point

2010-04-02T10:59:00.002+08:00

i need to taste the world man.

i had my life plan out, well roughly i've plan of what i wanna do and achieve in life. The purpose of living! say within my 15 years.. doing this and that, too achieve something! it looks all well plan off, but as i walk along my own dreams and goal.. i fall, and turn blank sometimes. i dont know why.

im graduating soon, insyaAllah, then i shall enter my career life. as it is now, i am doin my practical but sad to say, if i were to do to what i do for the next 2 years, wow. i should just continue my studies. but then again, nuthing comes easy in life and things develop in times. well, mybe im just at a phase of changes.. entering my adulthood. hahah that sounds so 'serious-tho-funny'.

u see, i have this idea of "the" career life in my head. i dont want to just work. i want to create some masterpiece man! yess i am that ambition. but judging by where i stand now, i feel so small. if u ask me, i would wanna work out of the country. but how do i do that? i guess im not that independent afterall. wait wait! i am, in some way. but not in this matter. i seek for my dad at most when it comes to this shit, but that is a good thing, seeking guidance and advice from our paps kan? that shouldnt be a problem.

Time is what we can't predict. waiting for the 'right' time is always a question. i wanna embrace my life in every possible way doing what i love. and i believe, what im doin now is what i love to do. but im so up for the challenge. i tihnk i've always been in the safe zone, my comfort zone, for an example: i've NEVER been OUT OF SUBANG. how exotic is that? sad kan ?

i hope to work for 2 years or so, then perhaps insyaAllah continue my study for my own satisfaction. i mean, to get a master for the industry as told by a colleuge, wont do much different. but thats just one opinion, any other opinion? im in need of some.

yada yada i hope by the time i reach certain age, im comfortable and fairly content with 'my life', my life as in not depending on my parents anymore. by 35 hopefully i can drive that big ass car! hahahaha teruk kan? well thats my dream laaah. so what. oh and not forgetting getting married! lol.

(updated 4/4/2010)

Nuthing like me, please la

2010-03-21T23:48:00.004+08:00

at one point i know now, i was THAT bloody blind and typically stupid for believing. when it cross my mind unconsciously, all i can do is laugh. laugh at myself for sliding down a big dark hole on a comfy mat. what a joke. and whats with the game? geez, human being are definitely the most complicated one, i admit i am one, but not around this particular stupidity, ive known a person of that area, lol. but nothing to regret of, honesty is the best policy, then again.. too honest that it spit back at me, talk about being too nice here dont u think? but nowhere near naive. pls la. and to be compared and to be placed on the same plate, please la. no thank you.

what a venting, im ranged with disgusted emotions at the moment. im not used with this kind of situation because i believe, so far in my 20 years of living in this world, im surrounded by people who are generally 'normal', till i met a few god's creation that is well enough to be categorize as bizarre! hahahaha lawak nya oh dunia, funny stuff but really, a bad pain in the neck. but my vent, is my own. So dont bother making it yours! interrelating or channeling yours similarly to mine, its a disgrace!

Di mana kesedaran ?

2010-03-09T20:15:00.003+08:00

Orang Melayu kita, bersepah yang mencuba sedayanya menjadi lain, kebaratan melampau hingga tak sedar melayu, walhal sedikit pon tak menyentuh erti 'Cool' yang nak sangat dikecapi. Tapi orang Melayu yang mentalitinya cetek, tak terbuka pada dunia di depan mata pun, tak kan kemana kalau tak bergerak. Jadi, mana letaknya taraf sebenar orang Melayu untuk dihormati, berjalan seiring dengan dunia moden dengan pegangan agama tersemai dalam diri? tak perlu pun ekstrem, sekadar sedar diri pun dah memadai.

Soalnya, dimana mereka yang sedar diri, yang sedar dengan keserdehanaan, yang masih ingat.. esok lusa kiamat la jugak. Isu agama takkan lari kalau isu kaum Melayu di sentuh.

Sejujurnya, takda niat menunding jari, cuma terdetik dihati melihatkan kerenah.. memang diri ini ada kesedaran.. Sedar diri yang kecil, bila bila masa boleh dipijak kalau tersalah langkah, mahu oleh hambaNya atau oleh Nya. tapi berbisik kata kecil, kecil juga cili api.

Mereka yang agung, lebihnya dinampak banyak, bila kurangnya juga tak jauh beza. Yang fanar kurangnya memang jelas, yang baiknya tentu ada, tapi kenapa tak bangkit? dunia ni banyak kemungkinan. di mana usaha, di situ jayanya. kalau tak berbuah, setidak tidak pon usaha terserlah. ini kan, setitik peluh seperti berlian cincin.

Dusta lagi, yg agung mahupun yang fanar, kenapa kena ada cara yang busuk? Berjaya dan gagal, dua dua berunsurkan buah yang busuk. Manusia..manusia.

Senang kan kata, diri sendiri malu, malu dengan kaum dirinya yg sebenarnya ingin dimuliakan dan dinaikkan martabat.

additional plans. yiha

2010-03-07T01:19:00.003+08:00

how can i possibly find someone to fit in the clan? cause i know for a fact, the clan isnt just any typical ones. perhaps one day, till then.. i'll let my sun rise and shine.

hard to believe, but i've been consistent with my exercise! since i've started practical, i obviously can't jog in the evening.. i usually leave the office sharp and 6 and i'll reach home around 7.30 or 8.00. dealing with such situaiton, i've already fix my exercising days to friday and saturday. both days with different clan. cool kan. byk nye association. lol its fun, really. slowly im getting back my stamina. not aiming to be 'a stick', but to keep fit! and of cause laa kan get rid of the unwanted jellies. haha disgusting! ohh and they have this 'biggest loser' competition goin on in the id department among the colleagues i know, which i too, joined. haha. they're doin it because they wanted to support one of the office mate who wants to loose weight cause she's getting married soon in july.. cool spirit. ;)

im getting the hang oh the working life. waking up earrly in the morning isnt so bad, after all the chances i had of waking up late during classes time, its nice to have a fix time to wake up too :P its all good. come to think of it, imma grad end of this year, insyaAllah. which is pretty early, lucky me. then of course im gonna work after that, but then i figured out, it would be great if i could continue my studies since im still young.. sooo basically, im thinking of pursuing a master later on. because frankly speaking, doing a master was not in the picture, but now.. i guess, why not. whats there to waste. i suppose im have start saving up some money myself, insyaAllah.

of frustation and humours

2010-03-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

frankly speaking, it didnt cross my mind at all the first time, the 'thought'. but doubts, they stick like glue. nothing there to be revengeful of. but there were things spoken without the right mind of thinking. and yes, obviously, it was rather hurtful. funny, how now i can definitely laugh, who's living in who's now?

i might have been a bit straight but bare in mind, im not naive. im just annoyingly honest, and if people are not. well too bad. u had your que but u left abruptly with a bad bad notice.. and that is definitely a classic stock for me to laugh at. what a joke.

it can be frustrating but really, there's no point in acting my frustration out. theres no point wasting my energy on even thinking of ways to pay off, but its like a fun process.. hahaha the thought were just wow, very CSI. very drama like. and of cos i would laugh about it. im happy with my ways, despite ashes of my frustration.. its normal. im a normal human being, thank god! thank god for being normal. because i know a few of not being normal. not one, but i think..a few :P hahahaha

ok im off.. work's good btw.

i know

2010-03-02T01:10:00.002+08:00

i thank ppl who give me the opportunity to laugh my heart out. =D

babah send me to work

2010-03-01T19:59:00.002+08:00

monday bluess.. so my 1st day was okay. apparently i was 30mins late. hahaha and pls dont blame me nor am i blaming my dear dad (eventho its more or less why i was a bitt late) i was like going to kindergarden la. my dadda send me to work on my first day, waited for me to register then off he left me. aaaahahahahaha. poyo ke cool? tell me sape 1st day keje bapak anta? haa xde kan. lol and of cos, i was told to come early which i will absolutely do.. and hopefully be more losen up. but biasa la, 1st day kan, what do u expect.

i did nuthing, i was like someone who was waiting in line for an appointment at my table till later after lunch when i asked for something to do. i went to lunch with a whole bunch of em. malu jugak mula-mula.. give it a few days insyaAllah i'll fit in right. my supervisors are nice and the team pon cool je. so it should be no problem ;)

oh and i dressed well just now. ahahaha after so long of being comot! oh i've my own suami. take that! suami mithali gitu..! more like tahi kucing.. joke much

noww, should i or should i not go lepaks.. hmph hmph.

happy pills

2010-02-26T02:30:00.003+08:00

what a blast these past 2 days had been, the mood was just right on.. sem's starting so it was exciting seeing all these familiar faces and the fact that we always have a super duper good laugh being around each other. I know, my pill of happiness lies there and here around my family and friends. so practically, it was just GREAT to have such company. registration took on smoothly.. managed to come early eventho i only slept for 3 hours due to excessive gossiping session with amy which was soothing to be honest. hours before that we went to baling for a late meal and then went to bangi afterwards for more meals! haha so much for dieting, well at least i've actually started taking my jogging seriously. so hopefully, no harm.

they, themm.. might just see it differently, why im so happy. truth is, im happy surrounding myself around all these positive vibes. its good for me despite whatnot. i wont lie, i have my rough time and somehow it seems like this is my cure and escape. of cos the drama never stop. frankly, i believe and i know for a fact everyone on this planet earth have their own kind of drama. thus, im dealing with mine. so far, i praise the Lord. Alhamdulillah.

simple lah.. try giving me shit, fine.. i'll deal with it but i dont think i'll give u the same in return. i'll give u an apple, yes? tho it might be little poisoned, just to add on the taste for you. So, you take it or leave it. I've learn that im comfortable with my way, i'm 80% sure of the action i've act upon and hopefully it does good thing for me. yes! for me. as selfish as i can sound, i will find ways to please myself first now. come on, tell me who can please you if not yourself?

im aware of my own weaknesses and im aware of what and how it can harm me. but be it, i know im being myself and ppl can miss judge. but as long as i know, that's all matters to me. ppl can talk, and talk is cheap. too cheap to an extend you can talk the talk but you dont walk the walk. whats new in that? come on.

sweet victory! the best taste i think any human can get. then again, theres no guarantee in anything does it? so i wont be just to confident there. hah i shall just..be true to myself, insyaAllah. and thank you, for letting me be myself despite what not.

p/s i've got the call from the firm. teeheee. monday will come, and we shall see. looking forward to it.

Whats your expectation ?

2010-02-23T14:10:00.006+08:00

What is there to dig out when there is nothing really left in the closet? days are counting ahead because time never stop, only we stop. so why bother? and whoever can run away from expecting, right? please make some sense upon any action you're aiming at.

im not an avid reader but from time to time, i love reading. its like a snack to me, they fill me up when im hunger for something to munch on. Obviously, i've come to some point of learning again and again and gaining more and more eventho it felt like a useless 3 months of holiday, yet that cycle will never stop.. we live we learn.

One of the things i've read recently is about expectation. everyone is ought to have any kind of expectation in life, yes? I personally believe everyone has their own standard and its ok to have that so called mountain high of it. Simply because we are the one who create that sense for ourself but not others, sometimes we live up to it and sometimes we dont. what do u expect? that is the risk we have to take.

Always aim high. theres no such thing as having it low in achieving something. dont u think it sounds weird if i say, "i wanna win this, i have low expectation in this!" what is that? at least when u set yours high, getting on par would be good enough, because the bar was set up high. right?

im preaching here because i've came to a scenario where someone sort of had it somewhat low, and im only speaking in general from my perspective, so u do your own thinking. the person set me on silence when i innocently commented on something particular, as simple as i find that particular choice was quite of a low expectation, but it turns out to be "the person's" first choice. i just find it rather surprising because i know the choices could have been better, but then again.. its "the life",

Yet please, dont bother setting high expectation for others to live up, set it up for yourself to live up too. everyone should have their own, and if others decide to live up to yours for whatever reason they have in mind, then let them be, as long as we know it in us that we have one of our own.

And for the ladies out there tho, play smart in setting you're standard, because someone else might wanna try to live up to it!

=p

blank

2010-02-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

boredom~ went to sk just now.. did some cleaning and some of my work, although i haven't finish em yet. heh. nway, going back there alone was quite a retreat.. i should have gone a couple of time before these for a short gateway and no wonder my closet here in subang are literally cramped with same old stuff.. i left most of my jolly colours clothes there.

anyhow, im seriously bored at the moment.. my mind is blank which is somewhat good, really good actually.. literally nothing. wow. hmph.

coolest questionnaires so far

2010-02-21T02:47:00.001+08:00

got this from the net, its freaking fun!

1. Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
soap i think, they must not see the point in buying a shampoo

2. Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
they once lived too.

3. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
god is fair

4. When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'
s o ?
.
5. Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?
lol not really, they're too worried to be worrying about being offended for havin one hand

6. How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
cuase its a mixture of both taste that become 1

7. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
perhaps ?

8. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
mama. haha

9. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
erks..

10. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words
worth?
might worth a thousand bucks, who knows

11. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
to the government . pfft money eater !

12. If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
not so lucky i guess

13. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
soak and wet? lol ok thats so out of the blue

14. What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to
go?
i'll tell them to go to the hell's toilet. nastyy

15. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
i do not know

16. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
hahaha good one. no ?

17. If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
yes, no plan it is. still considered thinking of not having to do anything.

18. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
anyone would be, during that time, yes?

19. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
no, its dutch :P

20. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
i dont knoww

21. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
of cos they do. the most pure thing on earth

22. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
yes. haha cause it comes from within

23. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
because lingerie is lust, not love

24. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents
in ... what happens to the other penny?
right in their pocket! lol

25. Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker'?
cause they broke our wallet.

26. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to
begin with?
hmm cause its stale as it is, packed in airtight packages is simply part of the procedure

27. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
it doesnt say anything

28. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives
a race car not called a racist?
yeaa true enough, we shall call them racist then

29. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
you gotta be a guy 1st to be a man

30. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
well my vocab ain't all that honey

31. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
because 10 is not pronounced onety zero

32. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it
be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
longest in ones life, u betcha.

33. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
wow too powerful there, told u my erm english so cincai wann lah.

34. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
no they wont, cause its lumpish

35. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
yes perhaps. face it, hypocrisy lies in all man kind

36. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
none

37. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older; then it dawned on me . .they're cramming for their final exam.
well, thats life~ even a child starts off with ABC.

38. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
hahahaha cool shit!

39. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
cause they're not worth putting on a stamp!

40. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
to help others too~

41. How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?
arrogancy encounter! tadaaa we are human!

42. If we quit voting will they all go away?
nope, they'll still be there

43. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station..
then thats where your work stop, when u are done completing it =D
.
44. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
i dont know ~

45. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit
while you're ahead"?
just to be safe~

46. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an
emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor.
well if you are that straight~ go ahead then.

FRESH

2010-02-21T00:13:00.003+08:00

progressing, optimism button fix, battery recharged! college is starting back soon. woohoo.can't believe im excited. internship sounds very new and refreshing.. something that im looking forward too actually. but guess what? my portfolio is not done YET, how sad. haha now im a bit gelabah lah. one thing about me, no matter how tech the world is, i still need a piece of paper and a pen to jot things down, the best way to plan is to jot down, for me that is. i have my folio half way done, but lots more to go. haha. im seriously hoping i'll make my day productive tomorrow. back to my 'work place'.. safe and sound where most of the work actually completed last semester. lol. dramatic lah.. adoi.

nway, i miss my room! that tiny comfort zone of mine.. and that tiny house as a whole laah i miss it, i miss my housemate, i miss my good times there. rindu! can't believe im excited to start back. but thats a good thing obviously. i've secured a place for internship even tho i havent get any calls yet from them, insyaAllah its all set, and thanks to babah for everything, everythinggg! they mean the world to me, even tho i know im such a pain to them. hah.. i feel so refresh :D pls stay with me from now onwards.

got this from my sister's blog.. nak curik and do, in the mood for it~ here goess..

1. Would you jump off a building for a friend?
- depends, really. hehe

2. How is your day so far?
- started off slow, but alhamdulillah feeling fresh now

3. Who is your best friend? (opposite sex)
- lots of close friends, none in particular

4. Do you think you're attractive?
- comot a. haha

5. Are you a nice person?
- cruel to be kind? haha yes im nice! in general.

6. Who's your date for valentine's day?
- my lovely self.

7. Did you have fun answering the questions?
- No, it sucks actually, too little. sorryh, im just.. too honest.

time decides or tells?

2010-02-20T14:28:00.004+08:00

Picking up little pieces from the past isn't a smart way to start of your so called new chapter, not smart at all i think, not in this case. Simply lumpish on that side. Im in a phase of facing my so called reality, boo me if u think its silly, but i choose too. Getting over something is to be able to go through, to face. Im not looking for a short escape instead im aiming for the grand escape, sweet success.

whoever said victory is easy? its hard work, at times heartache. and that is how i choose to learn even though i know for a fact it might sound a bit silly to go the hard way when theres an easy way. but what the heck? im just a regular human being, figuring out the best way where i can put myself still and be happy to know i did something good for me on my own.

i know it can be a bit too selfish and foolish to be saying such things, but seriously.... sometimes my only answer to myself and other is as simple as 'i dont know'.. because that is the truth. i suppose its all about time, not that i can buy time nor alter it even a tiny second. but when i said its about time, i dont mean it literally that time decides. No no. time is no human and it doesnt decide, we decide, i decide. time only tells, but it doenst decide. get the difference.. but however u wanna take it, its your own, i understand my own context well enough, fairly good enough for me.

but to change or not, well thats another chapter, further that shall not be predict. sounds unsure huh ? haha we'll playing save might drown you as well, have u ever thought of that? geezz its life ! haha nothing ever stop somewhere, till the day u're six feet under. sooo... tick tock.. the clock's still ticking.

how bizarre

2010-02-19T14:44:00.003+08:00

were there any rules set of saying only at a certain age a person will and will not do certain things? do u think its clever to believe in that statement or simply, no.. anything can happen at any time? hmm i find this interesting. haha and now im gonna start verbalizing this funny unnecessary thoughts that keep on stumbling to each other in my tiny winy blinking bulb.

its funny to learn that human can be bizarre. what a word dont u think? but yes, i find human being could be a little bit too bizarre for its own kind. as simple as a gymnastics who are able to do such interesting, extreme moves to a simple person who could bitch about another person. if u read my blogging, every note of words are jotted mostly based on my own life.

im not being self absorbed, but im not that much interested in exaggerating about someones life in details or simply as bitching about other people but myself. however, how i see my life works can be tolerable from other people experiences and saying, their environment and surrounding which work it way.. i mean come on, how can a person be too possessive over theirself. ? that is too fantasy like.. we sit, we see, we learn; simple.

sometimes i feel like i can get along with anyone for about anything at any minute.. yet at there are times too when i feel out most at the lost point, where i dont fit in and im in the most unwanted position in the cirlce. and then i wonder, where do i really stand now? one minute im down the other minute im up.. and no im not crazy even tho most of my friend thinks im on crack at all times due to my non stop or unpredictable laughter's, hehe besides the point anyhow... i just think everything can be funny.

i know i think too much, over evaluate, over analysing the simplest fact nor fiction. i hate the fact that i happen to think too much even without wanting to, then agaaaaaainn, o well, u know whats the next line would be.. think!

and to you, believe me i dont know what u're doin.. but if i were to guess, i have both the good and bad of your bizarre doings. i minute u're B, then the other minute you're Z.. you wanna know why i think you're the bizzare of all bizarres? well simply because you were never A, perhaps because u had never understand what A was.. is and will be. hmph. hilarious, yet it annoys me when u say too much. just dont cross my line, dont even think of adding Z+ or so forth. u are.. bizarre.

be smart

2010-02-15T17:27:00.002+08:00

By right, the world is not entitled, never was and never will in down grading a person, in down grading ME. Only me, myself and i who has the power to do that. and yet, yes i admit, sometimes i get carried away, we all do because that is simply part of the game of life.

but then again, if we're strong enough and smart enough to know.. then we will know. i made mistake and i know i can and i will make mistake... i am aware. but while waiting in line of my own life, at the right time i believe i put myself in the best state to be smart. sometimes it turns out to be right, that my decision is smart, and as much as i tried to avoid the cons, well face it, the cons will always stick along. So, conclusion is.. everything, everything for that matter has its pros and cons. be smart, be smart enough to know of the decision and consequences.. and trust me, you'll complain. but that's that, just spare yourself a little space to think and to be Smart.

accepting

2010-02-12T16:02:00.003+08:00

lost in words, lost in transition. life is... well, at ease with things that had been going on, things that i had to face.. not to complain too much because i know of where i stand.. but what have life made me ? i've become this person who grew both feeling of scared and stronger.. aware. i wish i could fast forward my time, and at times how wonderful would it be if i could turn back time and stop things from happening. but why should i do any of those two when life is already set up for me.. its unpredictable.. its life.

sometimes i miss just too many things i wish it would had never happen. i've let go of that particular past, that wonderful past that i found out to be nuthing but false.. and then i wonder, what ever did i do to deserve such lie? then my second thought would brush in telling me, perhaps this is all a lesson, maybe somewhere somewhat of my past and wrong doings are treating me.

i've definitely learn my lesson.. i've even reach down under to my lowest and learn my flaws. i realised that i might had been just be too confident at times, too open, too accepting, and too honest. but how can any of this be a bad thing by the sound of it right? haha trust me, i've had my click and being just 'too-everything' sometimes can actually trap our self. still, i am proud of everything i've done regards to it all, i've been nuthing but true to myself, im ease at my state despite little little ashes of heartbreak that i can control myself, and with people around who tend to judge and get the wrong impression because of other ppls saying, well.. suit yourself.

cunning boy

2010-01-13T17:52:00.004+08:00

i know what you're trying to do, think twice ;) its ok, maybe its still in the early stage of the game where its time for you to mess around with my head.. truth is..

u are a mess yourself! aiyoyo why do i ever have to deal with all this aa? o man. was my life too peaceful that i need to face this TYPE of drama for a short while? life ooo life oo life.. tuuduuu duu duu ..

im not at my best thinking, so it shows how cartoon i am to be saying things rationally in the previous post then this one. seee told u im normal! hahaha

or mybe a lil crazy? big possiblty there~

complication is normal

2010-01-12T13:37:00.005+08:00

so much for the drama, it finally hits the end. the game is OVER. how it didnt cross my mind, all this while..that this was 'a game' and if so it is, the game is over baby. i somewhat had my victory in this so called walk of shame, i might not be able to express it, but lets just say its what we call.. self satisfaction, for now, that is more than enough for me. screw whatever they wanna think. if i were to care so much of them, when will i have the time to think of me? after all this is my life, what i make out of it. im glad that it had all been my choices. so i took full responsibility over the consequences i face.

I knew all along, things that i hear about life, the hardship, the cruelty, the happiness are true. how can it not when its revolves all around us? but to know that it is actually happening to me, was somewhat mind blowing! but im grateful enough to god for blessing me the life that i live today but that doest mean i dont messed up sometimes u know. hey, we're all humans! its just a matter of how we take control of our life.. our life is our choice, like i said. Your life is actually what u make out of it.. which in any way, totally make sense.

So i was lied to, straight in my face and i still couldnt see it. Of course im hurt and sad, but that doesnt mean it breaks me. everyone is ough to have their own life experiences.. why live in other peoples experience when u can have ur own? because back to back, these are all choices we make, which sometimes doesnt make any sense at all in the eyes of other people but our self. i played my part, and took my blame because of my own weakness that took control of me, when other people could see it, but not me. and no, i do not regret my choices though i was fairly dissaipointed.

Sometimes i wonder, how is life fair? or is it the saying life is unfair makes more sense ? i hold strongly to my belief, so whatever i do.. despite having a strong or a weak iman, i make my life revolve around my belief and understanding. And the concept applies to anyone and everyone for that matter towards their own belief.

God works in wonders, and as much as i wanna believe life is unfair, because visibly we all see it, that this life is unfair... but if u believe in god, somehow u have to believe that life is fair, simply because... God is fair lah. but then again, how it works out or how it plays off can be unfair in our naked eyes but not God. i tried to be someone who would think 1st before i act, and i believe i can do a good job in doing so but then again, the outcome may not be as rational as what we think it should be or how we expect it.. and when u dont get what u want, or what u strive for.. emotions would take control. anger , sadness, frustration are feelings that works it own ways because theres no switches to it. we are not robots that could easily switch our feeling on and off, but actions, sayings and expression are the things that we can control, that is why people break down, they get angry and they.. pretend.

its complicated.. tell me what is not complicated? even kids find ABC complicated when its a piece of cake to us, but have we ever thought that we were also once a kid? u know, theres just so many types of human being in this world. and people can be miss judge in a split of 2nd.. no one would ever know our real intention but our self and god. people can convince, people can tell the truth and people can still lie, and its all up to us to conclude it. there is no exact or any precise answer to Life. we all know that... thats why we keep thinking and thinking..

and just another thing to let things off my chest.. a friend once said to me that people can change. yes, i agree that people can change. but for a person to change is for others to see the changes without that person having to say anything and we all know.. no one can change u but yourself and God and of course la, it required effort and intention.. i think its just as simple as that..

2010-01-06T10:53:00.001+08:00

setinggi mane awak pon, awk tak setaraf berdiri bersama saya

2010-01-05T19:23:00.001+08:00

what goes around comes around

how can a wheel work if it doesnt goes round and round ?

2009-12-21T01:34:00.004+08:00

Im sorry, but u gave me an impression that i could not spare any respect for you when u made of that remark. You are low, as it is for now.. Perhaps, that will change, when the right time comes, when you learn to know before to judge.. meanwhile, i wont bother pleasing, especially when im off the hook.

i am never that person who impress anyone to 'like' me. i am just.. a simple ME, and i just hope with whatever of good or bad person that i am, them who comes to term to like me sincerely, accept and do so because i am honest. thats all i can say for now.

im not that stupid, and im better than to be off screaming or hating over this matter. God does his job just too perfectly, we human beings sometimes get carried away and confused just a little too much im trying my best to be wise and strong, i hope i'll manage. insyaAllah.

nway, had a great party today. Happy birthday again adam. kakya loves u so much <3

its a wrap

2009-12-09T03:09:00.002+08:00

the semester finally ended, and thank god my handphone had least down on ringing. it had been a very.. slow semester in overall. sad but true. im gonna miss designing for another 3 to 4 months, because im startin my internship. interesting.. planning on playin dress up alll over again. i can actually count with my finger just how many times i put on my heels this sem. bimbo much? na ah. i was all real student this semester. its alll good. i wount guarantee flying colours, not even close la.. so im just hoping for the best. and for the time being, im just gonna relax of myself.. i need to really start exercising. my tummy is not getting any smaller! aih.. but the mood is still off.. can;t seem to get my butt off the bed just yet. im resting my self just as much as i had killed off my sleeping time during the sem.. so not yet for the time being.

apart from tht, everything at its ease. families great, boyfriend's great, friend's are great. everything seems to work it ways out. and off the drama, if i were them, i'll be ashamed. but who am i to decide for them. they should be their own judge... really, people should start concentrating on their own life rather than others.

been a whilee

2009-11-08T10:03:00.002+08:00

3 more weeks left for finals. isnt that just GREAT? and yet i got tons of things left undone. but still, im acting like a happy bee.. tryin not to get the stress in control. nway, mama found my bloggie.. awwwww Welcome MAmaaa if u're reading this =p do leave a comment. nway, whats here are general laaa. dont la complain2.. i have another blog, which is my 100% personal private blog. so dont worry lah k. whats here are just surface.

leaving for seremban in few mins, means i got less than 10 mins to get ready since everyone is ready, then i gotta head back to sk. tons of things to doooo. toodles

wishh me luck !

mama miaaa

2009-10-24T18:12:00.002+08:00

stress! tons of things for complition, add on with the so called post-pmsing i would call it. haha yes! who cares. nway, tons of submission this week. i got it alll under schedule but to get them done, aha! thats a challenge. but im tryin my very best to give my best concentration on b science tonight. i need to let go off this burden. baru lah lega siket, baru ringan sikit.

other than that complaining on other things, its nature to be talked, after all i talked too :P so why bother so much right? its all karma, sometimes its up sometimes its down.. like it or not, its just a circle. but frankly speaking, would much prefer and would like it if it hits me myself rather than gettin effected by the surrounding. u know what, if it says it will happen, it will.. one way or another, god is fair, simple as that. only a matter of time and how it happen is the thing that is better anticipated.. like i said, life is a journey all set written by god. assuming sometimes can be good, but most time its dissapointing. but that doesnt mean u cant get excited about life. aha :D arrogant much, i believe im a smart person, brought up by intellectual parents, surrounded by mature siblings, mixing with tons fun and exciting sometimes mind blowing friends. im not shallow enough to get effected for the long term. yes, no doubt, of cause i'll wonder, but i believe i'll think it over, whether by myself or with the help of others, it'll get through. there are times when i feel like doing something, but that something isnt 'something' that i would do, cause i believe im not shallow LAH, even if ppl might think i am and maybe perhaps, unconsciously i might be, at least im conscious of things. insyaAllah i hope i am. people can talk, i can talk as well.. but i think i am more interested in talking about me, my family and friends.. and famous ppl! rather than just anyone. its nicer to be someone, than just anybody. but if u talk about me, than i might just be someone :P ok merapu.. lol

ah stress release, i love mr bloggie. u're still on top of my list. back to back, i know my roots.. mama did superb amazing job in raising us. and thanks along* for being a cool big brother.

its lovely

2009-10-21T02:08:00.003+08:00

im in love, is it that obvious? cause i dont mind at all if it is. haha. aaah im bored, funny how im not sleepy tonight. i've got tons of things to do, but somehow its not moving on pace. got my works for tomorrow done, but the rest are still pending. im not here to talk about work.. i just wanna 'vent' out my feelingss. yummmyyyy..

aaa im so in love, and its funny to think so when it came to mind. but i am =) being in this shoe for the 1st time, well i can tell its great. so far so good, and i just have a good feeling things are going to be ok, insyaAllah. its only been months, but it feels like years. and im not exaggerating lah. we had plans, our individual plans that somehow compliments well on both side, making it complete, and we think its chemistry. yess chessyy, take it or leave it. thats me.

feelings dont lie, but they tend to give us illusion, but that doesnt mean it cheats you, you just gotta be smart about it. being in this position now, i see future. i see myself achieving what i've always wanted to.. only better, with him in the picture.. all the way. for now, i think im at my best.. i've always felt like i've had a good life, who am i kidding, God give me this life and i love my life to beat, no sweat.. things are sometimes complained, but how long can we stay that way, complaining ? better enjoy it rather than just complain.

so basically, i dont complain to much on how my life is, generally. as far as im concern, life is great.. it just got better.. having to know that now i have 'love'. that feeling, that all this while i thought was hard enough for me to have. but i have it now, so alhamdulillah.. its lovely. life is lovely =) and right now, i am missing him, i miss him every single day, literally. haha over nye, lantak.

emotional conquers

2009-10-15T02:24:00.004+08:00

today had been such an emo-ish day. and i blame my pms for everything. well basically the emo-ing started yesterday. so yeah, 1st day. said some stuff i shouldnt have said, killed my ego. damn it. but nevermind, it happened. had some tough time sleeping, couldnt shut away my assumption cap.. but i manage nway, then i rest my head and body for more than 12 hours last night. it was heaven, till woke up in the morning, eyes was all puffy. i didnt skip clas like how i would usually do, i went to class, jsut a bit late.. drove with no sound of music or anything but the engine.. reached school and guess what, class was empty. well good for me, i could at least not bore myself and get sleepy in class, so i took off with nabila.. went back home and send abah's email. and i had my sour venting moment. it was nice to have someone who would just listen to my irrational assumption, feelings and thought. but to know that she would still listen, that was something. thank you so much =) u know how much i appreciate it.

i was literally a bit quiet today i admit.. including the fact that i missed him, yes cheesy whatever, but im just one heck of an honest person. heard his voice, and my mood was hyped a little. i went to my 2nd class but didnt submit any of the work.. because, i havent finish em yettt. pft. took off early and went straight back to subang. abah wanted me to help him with some stuff.. thats why i went back.. just hours earlier, when i though of skipping the afternoon class, i was planning for my emo-loneer time. i wanted to go the subang parade, and jsut be by myself, with myself. so thats wht i did, reached subang, i headed for subang parade. and since i had my lappy and no money with me, it would be better if i do my work rather than window shop. cb was on my mind since thers no strbucks in parade. walk about with my lappy bag pack and sling bag around the mall for a little while then i went to cb... got myself an ice blended which i didnt get the day before when i was wishing i would have gotten it by just hoping idea and not from me who have to ask for it, pfft, well what to do, i was in such pms mood. i guess i wont wait for ppl to indulge me, i'll do my own homework. heh. so yeah.there i was, by myself, accompanied by mr lappy.. for about 3 hours, moving my body side to side, my mouth lip syncing off the funky and emo music from my headphone.

approximately at 9.30, i took off and went to mcd 15. farah was there, i joined her and had my dinner. surprisingly, i was all hyped when i reached mcd, my emo mode was switched off, maybe i missed my best friend. thats why. so had my food, had my laughed then i went back. by the time i reached home, abah sorta had his disappointed face on i guess? hmph. i apologize and he said its ok, we'll do it 2mrw... so basically, my return to subang had beats it general purpose. but atleast i had my time, my emo-ness was tamed. i hope 'emo' will be over by 2mrw, because i give it 3 days.. and i dont know why.

raya syndrome

2009-10-04T20:01:00.002+08:00

i am still very much in raya mode, my god :S things are piling up. to make it worst, i gotta show some work progression tomorrow which i got none right now, a complete 0 progress, but nvermind, watever it is, i shall and will have it, at leaaasst something tonight. thought of goin back to sk just now, but why bother.. my class is at 12 tomorrow.. i might just go to mcd afterwards to sit my butt still so i wont move around just as much if i were to work at home, production would be definitely be slower at home, trust me, especially in doin reports when the bed is just right beside me, wide and soft waiting for me to jump on it. haih. life. too many distraction and of course with me, too many excuses.

went for a wedding yesterday, stayed till evening, then got back.. emailed some stuff and off i went to a klang for an open house. let me jst ttell you. klang is ridiculous lah, period. went there with my 2 loves, reached the place around 10 when we started the journey at 7.30 or so.. but we did get lost pon in klang, when given a wrong direction.. but nvm, we reached, thats all that matters.

hari ni, well hari ni.. gotta do b scienceee. haihhhh. design can be think of 2mrw lah.. then portfolio n drawings.. damn damn. photoshop summore. god what am i thinkin takin my own sweet time nie.

raya mode shall be off ! done.

babies

2009-09-28T11:11:00.001+08:00

baby hafiz

baby haziq

baby adam

and my baby*

awesome saturday!

2009-09-27T01:01:00.003+08:00

i had my open house just now, and it was awesome lah as usual :P had the usual crowd. my forever gedik friends. love love them. and then the sk clan, kaklong and the rest but unfortunately not all was able to make it.. but xpe, we're gonna have another open house in sk later i think. and my honey! made a good impression too. nabila the inspector gave good credits as well as the rest i suppose, although the gediks didnt get the time to inspect him, but along did tho. they are buddies now! damn.. now i have to bare with them getting too close and have boys talk. but honestly, i like it. along and iwan getting along very well. hun's gonna start playin futsal with them now.. aiyah. looks like im gonna end up lepaking with my own along. but it should be cool since we are tho pretty close somehow now. along's friend was cool too.. being the typcial me, kepochi and all.. i blend in well enough with his friend, nice bunch of ppl they are.

the food was awesome too. mama's a natural cook la i tell u. i wish i can be as good as her. her rendang was the best and her soto, omg everyone loves it. im not being bias just because my mom cooked it, but im being as honest as a human being, my mom can cook very well, trust me. me on the hand, baked my usual brownies.. good credit. they just love it. i just hope i'll be less lazy in the future so i can make or bake other stuff for ppl. i love serving for ppl.. and presentation ppl. me and my mom, thats just part of how things should be. presentation and quality counts with us. ;)

all in all, it was awesome! but sad for me, i didnt get enough time to spend with himmm.. but xpela, at least he made time for my family and friends. seriously, i am very much in love right now. =)) i wont hide it.

raya joy

2009-09-22T23:27:00.008+08:00

i am now back in subang, yupp.. its only the 3rd day of raya and im in subang.. because angah will be going back to uk tomorrow. sob sob. anyway, i think we had one of the best raya this year, with angah around.. visited and gathered both family from abah's and mama's side together. it was blissful. i went back to pd on saturday morning with along and angah.. while mama and the rest went back on fri.. spend my lil time with my sweetheart on fri before leavin for raya, and yess, the first time away, like really away from him. sob sob. haha ngada kan? watevaaa, i like. =P

like mentioned, raya was a bless, less picture unfortunately but it felt complete. had 2 bbq this year, yesterday night at opah's and just now actly at wanacu's. baby haziq has grown up and his super cute! he doesnt like ppl u know, but i managed! i made him like ppl. haha perasan sungguh. but reallllyy. maklong mentioned he doesnt like ppl, but then maklang got the opportunity to hold him and play around with him and then i was next. after awhile of holding him since he doesnt want any other, others got the chance to hold him too :P super super cute. as usual la, i got the passing mark as the mother-role. im a natural ok :D i love kids and they laavveeee me. and speaking of this issue, with mama and the other auntie crews, 'this' kind of news travels fast. so imagine them all asking me about him. lol its super super early, but the aunties.. are forever aunties. even the uncles la. but tak gentar la. i play it cool.. they are happy that im happy.

baby haziq!

my family seems to be please with it, even though they havent met him officially. i have a good feeling they'll like him. even along and angah surprisingly. but then again, when i made my decision, i knew somehow my brothers are gonna be ok with it.. i made the right choice, insyaAllah. Along seems to be interested to know, even tho if i mentioned this to him, he'll be like "puhlese laa, tak kuasa" but actually he does! he asked me alot of stuff about him, random stuff.. which is nice to know on my side that he wants to know. he, my other half knows all about it, and him too seems to be please. so its cool on both side. then its cool for me. haaah. yes i am very much in love, surprisingly. who knew, who knew.... things just happen.. unexpectedly, but im glad and grateful lah. happy, happy jugak but at times..i wonder how is it possible that i could have things my way, the way i always wanted it to be, it all seems so unreal, but its reality. whoah.. mula dah nie. lol

but im grateful, for every single thing that had been goin on with my life. i know there will be times, were things might get patchy, but thats part of the journey i suppose. i want this, i really want it. and i dare say it, cause thats what i want. all left for me, is too see and the pray to god for the best lah.. insyaAllah =)

raya is back

2009-09-19T01:52:00.005+08:00

back to pd 2mrw morning for rayaaa.. can i feel the excitement?? yeaay a lill now. my cinta is on his way back to his hometown while im here still packing my stuff.. gotta take out some stuff i brought home from sk, it seems ridiculous to bring such amount of clothes since i think we'll be back in subang on tues or wed, angah's going back to uk on wed i think. funny or poyo as it is, i was thinking design just now.. thought i would just do some research in a bit and perhaps a lil 3d-ing, but that was the plan thenn! now that imma bit sleepy and full. hmmm might just skip the plan. nway, got my new shoes, new bajus, new baju kurungs, new tudungs, and a new handbag =D thanks to mama and sygku.

nway, i wish salam syawal to everyone! i love rayaa.. its like 100% family and friends time. get together with laughter and smiles, everyone in thier lovely clothing n all. aaa so sweet :D

its we not me.

2009-09-16T02:44:00.003+08:00

twice now, and both strictly came from me. so i get emotional, it wasnt anybody's fault but mine. but then again, it was what then, not now. now its nuthing but beautiful. yupp that happy and so, that confident.

truthfully speaking, time doesnt bother me, despite how fast how quick or how soon it is, as long as im happy i think thats all matters, as long as we are happy.. what if within less than a year it turns into something else? it would be great if its meant to be the one. im sure with my decision and i know im gonna be happy with watever life might take me. i mean life is beautiful kan, its a challenge every once in awhile but the rest, it should be great and ease. i've never really felt this easy with someone to be honest, to have someone holding on to me, i used to think i dont need these ppl when they come around, but somehow this one makes me believe that its ok to depend on to someone starting from now. the fact that he wants me to be dependant on him makes it alot more easier for me :D i love him. i really do. im happy and im glad that he found me! hahah yeaaa he found me.. cause i didnt look for it.. he just found me! and i embraced him with an open arm and heart into my life, hopefully forever. yess, u ppl might just think im too head over heals, too in love or bla bla bla. but mark this, i wanna love, be love, and be in love possibly with one person only in my very whole life, and now that i love and am madly in love with him, i want him to be foreverr.. yuppp im hopelessly romantic at times, i know.

the right word for me is easyly comfortable. one thing we realise is that the word akward doest exist. but then again, who am i or who are we to determine future, to set and predict is what we human do,. i mean its all written for us, and if god had written our story together, that means.. im bless and im glad to live my life till my very last breath with his and my love =) u know, the best thing always happen when u least expect it, trust me.

love story

2009-09-12T16:50:00.003+08:00

yeay! its been awhile... for a long post, dont u think? well get ready. lol

ok to start things off, first design and furniture assignment was the bomb! we scored A for design, its a group work assignment and i've a good feeling we're gonna nail it for furniture as well :) so, 2nd assignment was given yesterday.. individual work of course.. aaaaa the A record had been set, so im hoping i could do well as well this semester, i wanna keep my A with me for design, pretty plss. insyaAllah.

and now, here comes my love love story. haha cant believe it myself, im finally proud and happy to say that im in a relationship. yess, i think i've meet my other half. confident much huh? too confident there actually.! but to be really honest, i feel good, and it feels right. how it started and how all this fall into place was rather unexpected at all. honestly, i was not drawn or what not the 1st time i saw him la.. even the 2nd.. cause i only see him twice a week.. but apparently, he would be texting me every single day.. that how i noticed he started making his move. cepat i tell you. lol. asking for my this and that, whats my fav color, whats my fav band and so on.. its cute really, but honestly i couldnt be bothered at 1st, because i had this idea of flirting and dating around this sem and the previous guy did pretty much the same, txting me and all, typical lah.. haha i know. im straight forward and no secrets here bout this. :P but he came along and slowly it happen :) and yes im very happy to know its happening. funny thing is, my forever silliest habit happen with him, while texting him kan, i wanted to send a msg to nbla, just to say this dude is like the previous dude, the one who txt me all the time tu, and this cant be! and guess what la, the msg was accidentally send to him. hah! but watever, no skeleton in the closet, i said it straight to him, of the real truth. but that didnt turn him off pon. lol day by day, morning till night la. he would be there accompanying me even thru sms..and i enjoyed it. he marked his intention clear with me and i gave him to green light to proceed, and now here we are =)

i know some might say its way to fast and all, i mean i admit it myself, it was fast. but it feels right and i believe everyone has their own journey and story to tell, and this is mine i guess. and what more can i ask for when i think i can see my happiness jumping swaying smiling in front of me. maybe our jorney of learning and accepting each other is while we are together.. and so far its great, eventho baru yesterday je something blew his cool, but i was there and its all good. this relationship is still so fresh, but honestly la, i feel like I've known him forever because his off the same character as i am. yuuppp, the hyper friendly one, so in away,.. i feel like i understand his ways.. cause its pretty much like mine. and all this while i thought i would be attracted to the so called 'opposite attract' kind of thing, i tried that, eeerrrtt. negative.

you know how i always said i hope i would meet that one person, and thats it. i want him to be that one person. tapi jodoh and all tu kan kat tangan tuhan, so 'always pray to god' is what he asked me to do.. despite how fressh we are, im confident enough to say that i love him, cause i know i just do =)

this week

2009-09-11T02:32:00.008+08:00

it feels right to be here now
in my comfort zone with no attempt to impress
or to pretend.
i am me, myself and i.. with him.
that is the best feeling <3

318

2009-09-06T20:13:00.002+08:00

i've found my other half !

a good start ?

2009-08-21T20:22:00.002+08:00

sem started... and works are in. pfft, what is there to complain, thts normal! and i kind a like it. had our 1st presentation for design class just now. did welll :) as always. alhamdulillah. soo nway, i've new stuff goin on. jeng jeng jeng. new people. new lecturers. new classmate. new friends. all in all, its a good start. yeaaa a 'goood' starttt la sgt. haha not so much on the first week where i trully hope nuthing like the first week of last sem would happen, but it did.. aaaaahhaha. but come to think of it, its quick! my geez, and intentions are crystal clear after 2 weeks i tell you.. and me on the other hand? heyy i keep my cool down ;) haha i hope so. i hope im not giving too much attention to it. cause u know, by the end of the day.. the same ol thing might just happen again. sooo why bother right? this time, its nuthing on emphasising. i shall keep it low and steady? haha

muchhh on lovee and like, i somehow have this tiny bit of hatered hidden inside of me for that particular someone. i dont hate actly, its more like im disgusted and annoyed, u know. the vibe is uncomfortable, the present simply sucks, and the attemps completely annoys. does that count as hate to you? tapi since its ramadhan now, i hope i could let it slip through my hand easily one and for all.

o well... Salam Ramadhan!

my space

2009-08-17T18:06:00.001+08:00

me room

2009-08-09T21:29:00.003+08:00

i will officially be stayin in sk starting 2mrw, insyaallah, but of course back to subang during the weekends :P nway i love my room. its big and i think i managed to make it cosy enough for myself. went there again just now and brought summore stuff. my cupboard will be ariving 2mrw, and so is the study table, i'll assemble it 2mrw. my borther let me take the tv, soo i have tv :D no need to buy. gonna go buy the fridge within this week too.

BODOH

2009-08-09T00:16:00.006+08:00

sifat kurang haja tu mmg ada dlm diri dia la kot.. face it. i can be annoying, i admit tapi i x kurang haja. i can be stubborn, but i am not rude. da lama tau tak mara. nasib baik mama ada, kalau x, mmg da kene da tadi.

camnie la, lain kali kalau da tau salah, DIAM, MINTAK MAAF kan senang. jgn nak OVER defend diri yg salah tu, pastu KURANG HAJA bila org tgh mara. org mara sbb awk buat salah, and kalau diri tu da salah, jgn la jadi bodoh sgt buwat buwat pelik apesalah aku mara. pastu bole pulak nak tengking aku balik? melalak mcm org gila.. mcm kene dera padahal dia da salah. BODOH nama nya tu, EGO yg BODOH. adoi.. Bodoh betul. skang kau da menyusahkan aku sbb bodoh sgt buat bende tak pikir. and u expect me to speak to u nicely, when u give me a piece of your shit face when u missplace MY THING, when using my stuff, and not say sorry but tenking aku? geez. what an idiot.

u always cross the line... u have very little respect in me. dont thnk i dont know how u talk about me behind my back.. but nevermind... u are f$%6ing immature and cluless even when u act as tho u know eeeeeverything. pfft LOL! thats why i can't take u seriously. i wont ask u to grow up, cause ur in the process, and while ur going thru it, wow u are as annoying as hell in a whole differnt way like other teenagers are. but then again, neverminddd. u are YOU.

not just yet

2009-08-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

"the best relationship you should keep is with yourself.. because honey, no matter where u go or where u are, all u have is yourself for sure.." quote from some show i watched.

and that is just absolutely true don't you think. as it is now, or how i had always been, seriously, i feel comfortable being me . lol here it goes agian. ckp pasal bende2 nie lagi. wth sukahati a..

but yes, every once in awhile. someone would come come up and play along, adds on the sparks to my story line, but noneee, so far, none seems to stay. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, as much as i would love the idea of being in a relationship, i am actually pretty scared of the whole idea of it, commitment etc.. it really scares me. so a few times, well all of the time it seems till now, backing off is my way.. so i believe, it shows.. im jsut not ready to jump in the boat or in other way, i know it isn't it. i mean, ok i admit, im pretty loosen up in getting attracted, liking, admiring, havin crush or watever u wanna call it la.. play along is fun, getting to know ppl and stuff. but to actually be serious about it. hm hm hm. thats a different case i guess, so i suppose.. i am comfortable with how things are. i like my time, my space, my life! to have someone i think is great, is wonderful. and i just love seeing couples.. thinking how did they manage to stay together and tolerate, compliment each other.. cause honestly, i havent got on that stage yet. so yeaa, its nice to see.. and to have one would be great, but i guess its not my time yet? one day one day! u know, i think im gonna be in love with one person, the person who i would end up marrying. and that, is the one and only 'serious love of my life' but in between time till i reach that point, dates/getting involved with a few others would be good experience. lol aaaah we'll c je la.. all i knw is that i feel good about life, and despite not havin the fair tale love or in fact 'love' life yet, im happy as it is now.

so i believe, i have a pretty good relationship with myself :)

Amin.

nice is tiring

2009-07-31T21:37:00.002+08:00

what luck do i havela.. the house deal, apparently was off . the owner got someone who would pay her more on rental, so she cancel on us, by sms, just like that. haaaaihh. serious da penat mara. x mara pon, menyampah and sakit hati je. and its not the owner im irritated by, its them, who doesnt know how to appreciate my effort all this while. for god sake, i did all the searching, informing and all, and by the end of the day all they know is to complain. susah-susah, dont bother joining me, not that i care much. my main idea was for me and a friend.. but being typical baik, i did actually thought of the others. but now, sorry to say, priority goes to me and her.

am i going overboard if i want to admit that im nice? haha wateverh! i know im nice la k, and sometimes, nice can be tiring. but then, i dont want to be mean. tapi kenapa org lain tak paham bahasa or simply have no ethics or a tiny sense of appreciation in them.. parents didnt raise them well enough or are they simply insensitive? geez

loteh la

2009-07-28T22:40:00.002+08:00

maybe i get too gelabah sometimes. i mean like in serious cases la..mengundang stress je, so now i need to learn how to chill. but ntuh la, maybe sbb it includes rasa kene jaga air muka as well. and like i always said la, when it comes to work, no play, serious la kn.

aihh, but thank god, i found my plan b, which i didnt have from the start, cause this ist my field! i've no idea about it pon, tiba2 je dapat.. so kelam la siket. sooo anyhow, lesson learn here is, always have a plan b or c when doin something.

regarding house pulak, met the owner and they loooovve me. haha. so yes, got a place, jsut gotta talk with the rest, pay up and get the key. adoih seriously, letih. letih, letih.. cuti ku amat letih jugak dlm bosan2, bukan letih badan, letih otak. dengan hal ni and hal tu, maybe nie time diri kene nyusahkan kan kot, hopefully lepas nie things would be a lot smoother for me in whatever aspect. dlm rasa da ok settle, sisa2 negative masih ada. ooopss.. but i never let it get on my way... i dont know la, maybe this is my way of, ok fine let it go. so let it be la, i can say watever i want kan? its just my blog afterall. not like i snap at people or anything like that. nway, dahaga laaa. penat ckp. da ckp ngan org nie, skang kene ckp ngan org tu, org tu lagi, org tu lagi. ngan abah mama lagi, pasal ni pasal tu. wuih. loteh den. dahago!!
keje tak settle lagi.. esok bgn pagi, will have to meet an uncle to seek advice and see ape leh wat. ikutkan hati, i dont wanna do it, but these people.. haih. xpe la, org da mintak, give it a shot je la. tapi shot yg byk hal, tu yg malas actually. rasa tah pape je jugak nak complain lebih2, mcm la org lain tak letih.. tapi lantak la, its my venting machine.

no mr husky for now

2009-07-28T05:00:00.005+08:00

yeaa found a house, not in block B but in block C just how i wanted it to be, ground floor summore. mungkin rezeki kut :D hihi. but im kinda off the tick abit.. well, xpe la.. hopefully everything works out ok. *prays for it* ;)

im gonna see the house 2mrw, and im sure gonna take it.. its what i wanted. that area, that floor and the owner sounds nice too :) gonna have to tell the parents bout it and then jsut start movin in things.. cause school starting soon nway. so might as well get things done before the busyness strikes again. can't wait to get busy. to move around and have something to do, to meet friends, laugh and jsut have fun.. :D

tapi bile da kerja naik kepala, rasa best nye cuti. and bile cuti, nak skolaaa. lol. what a life.
oh oh oh, and im just happy with myself now for havin that itsy tiny new 'crush' . the thrill is back, i guess the easy in and easy out still lies in me. guess i'll wait for prince charming to break the curse! i am kinda eyeing a very charming boy right now. yup i guess this time its a boy ey! cause the outside is, so comel =) cause u know, i suppose i find my idea of men, at least physically with the so called husky rough look didnt work just much. (i know this statement sounds shallow, but thats not the idea la. still, im just lazy to emphasis, so skip) of which i would assumed they were to be matured happen to be well.. just kinda lost too. with regards few that i know turns or happens to be trouble, being lost; pity i must say. but human, biasa la, tak perfect.. cuma kelaka la siket. but im quite glad too, to be able to witness because at least it'd thought me that i was wrong, and better things could happen.

but back to 'crush', it usually stays the way it is. heh. like i said, its the thrill that i find exciting.. i mean i've had this happen so many times, so believe me, no hopes are put or should ever be put in such situation. then again, things like this, you'll never know. u can't never be just too sure.. its unpredictable, its life! hahh. mcm chipsmore la. kejap ada kejap xde =P see, life can be delicious too. (ok craaap)

chapter ends.

2009-07-27T03:31:00.004+08:00

i have another blog actually, which is way more personal, and poetic. as if laaa.
and i write mostly in malay. haha i actually loveee writting in malay with my own ways. how i can be extremely skema and twist around with my so called melayu klasik or my very own sastera. lol and its nicer to vent out when only knowin myself would know. what lies deep deep deep in my heart =) but i still love this one, it has been my baby since 2004.
but a girl got to do what she has to do. and that is my treasure. work, school, friends, thoughts in general still stay here. but my heart, still prefers that one.

i just drafted a whole new mission for myself. and the 1st one is to sleep by 12 so i can wake up early and do my morning jog. but it seems like it isnt working since its almost 4am. how on earth am i suppose to wake up that early and jog. ok, maybe i'll replace it with laps of swim in the afternoon. set~!

i gotta call the agent again later in the morning regarding the house im renting soon.. i lost my 1st choice to another tenant, its quite sad. i thought it was just good enough of what i wanted. anyhow theres another one in the other block, i might just as well call up and see where my chances stand. school starting back in 2 weeks or so, wowww fst kn.. and i still havent got a place. so hopefully everything works out ok.

you know, im glad that im over it. i mean, to say it wasn't something would be a lie. it had been something, and it was rather nice to be in such situation then, but i guess. its just not meant to be, i was sad, that i couldn't have my fairly happy ending, but on the other hand, im glad, with my very own reason of course =) something someone somwhere out there is the one.. i've felt happy, scared, loved, cared, mad over all the scenario. i know where the sincerity stands and i know where the complication and problems occurred. by the end of the day, its jsut not worth it. sad to learn, but thats the fact i suppose. but its time to close the chapter., it didnt reach it point to where it was a book, it was just chapters :P hehe. but o well, thats life. and life.., well life is life lah. sometimes we gets it sometimes we dont, sometimes it make sense most of the time it doesnt. hehhh im not the type of person who would analyze much on its bad side anymore. so let it be.. its nice to be carefree. haha . but no doubt, i had my down moments, when i get upset, frawn on face. but surprisingly enough, no tears on this chapters.. it shouldn't have anyway. o well, i suppose i'll let my life continues with better chapters ahead of me, insyaAllah ! :D

ok i need to go to bed or i would end up waking up at 2 again :S hihi

adeh..

2009-07-20T23:00:00.003+08:00

i made myself look stupid as much as i hate to believe it.
but i did. gosh.

i suppose i say things unconsciously, oh wait? or did i say it purposely just so i get the attention then? seee i told u it was a foolish idiotic act of me to do, but i did. thats why its bloooody stupid.

i wish i can take back, and i would and am taking it back for my own record.. i didnt mean it when i said so. cause i dont, i suppose its just the itsy bitsy of it that's there, but what ever you thought i made myself sound like, is not what it is i want.

it was an act of my silly confusion that had me down during that moment itself. so i said things i dont mean, now that i am ok, aware of it, i feel bloody stupid for havin to say what i said.

as it is now, no i dont want any of it, not now or not than. i see no worth in even wanting things anymore in you. what is there left to be offer? its just my own silly sadness i wish to get rid off.

i just wish i had been stronger then, things wouldnt happen this way if i had been.. but i suppose, thats life isnt it?
a tough learning process that jolts every part of happiness, sadness, frustration and every littleother things.. all the way i guess~.

so i said, i learn my lesson. and that mistakes are ok to be made.. even better, when its with the right learning. kan

.

pagi hari

2009-07-10T10:12:00.002+08:00

saya da dpt result. weeheee. tak la bagus ape pon, but ok la, im happy with it, judging by the effort i put in each subjects.. too many late submission. mungkin if tak byk late submission, yg B's bole jadi A's. xpels, next sem kene discipline. im in penang now, mmg leceh pakai laptop mama yg teramat comel nie, susa nak type, my fingers da la besa.

nway, smlm jln2 kat night market tu, terserempak pulak dengan merekaaa. so g la lepak sat with them and bersembang sembang. at this point, things are clear in my head kot. it seems likeits gonna be ok pon kot. i think im the clever one here, so berlagak la mcm org pandai. im a person who doesnt believe in regreting, tapi somehow kan, haih rasa mcm kadang2 mmg menyesal on one part. but then again, i still believe that things happen, ade la hikmah dier, soooo being the clever one again, i think i should go with things happen for a reason. hah. yer mmg tgh mode blagak rasa diri nie pandai.. tapi dlm case nie, bukan prasan, mmg betul. haa k da. nak g pantaii